SoCS – Eating Food and Other Random Thoughts

Usually, I have some idea what I’m going to write about when I start the SoCS post, but today, I just don’t. I suppose I can’t really go wrong in talking about food and eating food, but I feel like I did quite a bit of that when I did the A-Z challenge back in April, which wasn’t even planned, by the way. I wasn’t going to do a theme, but I think it helps when doing that particular challenge.

I’ve had a few jobs in the past couple of years and the one thing that bothers me, but probably shouldn’t, are the places you can find to eat around your workplace. I don’t think you realize how used to those places you become until you no longer work there and have other, not as great choices around the new job.

I went from a pretty eclectic neighborhood where I had a ton of really good choices within walking distance to a mall. It was pretty terrible. Most days, I chose to take food from home since the choices were pretty dismal. The one place I found that I loved, though, was a pizza place (of course). They make personal pizza’s in like five minutes that are really good, considering most of those types of pizza places are disgusting. I got really used to having pizza once a week and it was the place I went to on my last day of work over there.

Luckily for me, I found the exact same pizza place about five minutes from my new job. It’s pretty sad (or maybe it’s not) that food makes me this happy. Or maybe I should say pizza makes me this happy.

I also have some new, rather delicious food choices around my new job, which is good because I find myself with a full hour lunch now that I have no idea what to do with.

Going to lunch alone can be scary, but lately I am finding it is peaceful. I don’t have to deal with someone else’s drama or with what someone else wants to eat. I just do what I want and spend the whole time either reading or playing on my phone. Perhaps this is anti-social of me, but after my last job and the drama I left, I don’t think anyone can blame me.

Eating food is a necessity, but it doesn’t have to be a chore. I always say that life is too short to worry about it, but I worry about it just as much as the next person. Did I eat too much? Have I had too much sugar today? Did I have any vegetables or fruit to balance out the other shit in my diet that is terrible? I love food, but I over-think the hell out of it. I wish it wasn’t so much of a love-hate relationship… like why does food have to add pounds? Should that even matter?

Yeah, no answers here. All I can say is that I love it and I try to enjoy it while not beating myself up too much for eating too much of the stuff that has no nutritional value even though it can be the most delicious thing in front of me.

This rather random post about eating food is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday, hosted by Linda G. Hill. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “-eat.”  Use the word “eat” or add letters to it to make a different word. Don’t cheat!”


SoCS – Mapping a Route

On our way home from a long drive, my boyfriend and I were having a discussion about Siri. Does anyone else find it strange that we talk about her like she’s a real person? Maybe it isn’t so much strange as it is new. Or, no, maybe it is just strange. Anyway, he was saying something about how she can track the quickest route home depending on traffic and lights and other variables. So, even though we obviously know the way home, we decided to ask her to help us.

“Siri, take me home,” he said and she mapped out a route.

When he took the first turn off the highway, he was worried. It was a road he had never been on and, granted, it’s one of those scarier roads to drive at night. It’s getting more use now that more houses have gone up along the west side of the valley, but for a long time, it was used more for big trucks and high school kids looking to get a thrill driving fast on a long stretch of road.

We made it home in one piece, but we laughed about how Siri knows things we don’t and how she could have perhaps gotten us killed. Did I mention that I have jealousy moments with Siri? I could have told him to take that road… I could have gotten us home… Siri isn’t all that… Yeah, it’s pretty pathetic.

(My mind was going in a direction when I first started, but now it’s taking me somewhere else.)

I know there are many people who have a clear plan for their life – a route mapped out – and some of them stick to it pretty clearly and others are taken off course, either by their own decisions or other things that happen that force them to veer off course. I’m not sure I ever really had a plan for my life. At one point in high school I wanted to be a lawyer. Yeah, I’m so happy I didn’t stick with that one.

I feel at times that I haven’t had any real direction and I’ve had to adapt to circumstances and change just to survive. And it got me to thinking today that as much as a plan is good, life isn’t about a destination. It’s almost certainly about the journey and I feel that there are so many things I missed because I was more focused on the end result.

When I moved in with my boyfriend, the goal was to move into a bigger house within a year. That’s still the plan today, but I was so focused on not being here, that I didn’t even consider this my home. I finally realized that only a few months ago and made a few changes so we could all be a bit more comfortable, even though the place is tiny for how many adult bodies we are trying to fit into it.

And you know what? I am so much happier. We’ll eventually find a bigger place. But I’m not going to be unhappy in the interim, simply because I’m too focused on moving out that I can’t appreciate what we have.

I suppose what all this means is that it’s okay to take a different route, even though it might be scary. It’s okay to veer off course, especially if the end result is the same. Because if we miss out on something because we were too focused on the end result, then what was it all for? I can tell you that even if you find that perfect job or the perfect house or exactly what you thought you wanted, you will soon be looking for that next best thing.

Enjoy the journey. Life is too short to miss out on so much.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G. Hill. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “route/root.”  Use one, use both, use them as they are, or add something to them. Have fun!


SoCS – The Clear Light of Day

Do you know how when you’re in the midst of a bad situation and you know it’s bad, but you don’t realize how truly terrible it is until you are on the other side of it? I’m just realizing that while I knew having a headache for about two months was bad, I didn’t realizing how much it affected everything until just a few days ago when suddenly the headache went away.

It got to the point that the first thing my co-workers would ask me in the morning was, “Do you still have a headache?” or “How’s your head?” Many times, I would think it was gone, but it was just lingering around the edges.

I’m not sure anyone who doesn’t suffer from headaches can quite understand, but I had some pretty poetic moments trying to describe the stages of my headache. There were the full blown headaches when it hurt all the way down the back of my head and into my shoulders and it took everything I had just to lift my head. There were the times when I could feel it, like the inside of my head was a bubble and the headache was pressing around the bubble, so it didn’t hurt necessarily, but it was still there.

And then there was the light. There was one afternoon when I was walking out of work heading towards the train, and everything looked different. The light was a little yellow around the edges and I could have sworn I had stepped out of now and into the 1970’s. Or at least, a 1970’s film where the light isn’t quite right.

I feel like I’ve woken up from a nightmare and everything looks fresh and new and you thank whatever god you believe in that the light looks normal. Everything is clear around the edges and the pressure has lifted.

Do you know what it took? A new job. And not even starting a new job. Just knowing I only have four days left in my current job was enough. The sad reality is that I almost convinced myself to stay, that it wasn’t really the stress of my job or the fact that I don’t really like what I’m doing. I don’t know what I was trying to convince myself of, necessarily, but it almost worked and I almost didn’t pursue this current job opportunity.

And then there are those who decided my headache was good for a few laughs and they made light of my situation. Before I was offered the new job, I was in a pretty heated meeting with my manager and supervisor talking about the need to change my role and consistently getting push-back from everyone else. When I had walked into work that morning, the headache was at a lull. Not truly gone, but not enough to take anything to help it either. While we were sitting there, after hashing out some intense details, my manager turned to me and said, “How’s the headache now?”

It was one of those situations where… well, you know how it’s okay to laugh something off, but when someone sort of pokes fun at your expense or makes light of something that is really bothering you and you sort of snap? I didn’t snap, but I could have.

All I can say is I am grateful for the light and the opportunity to, once again, see it clearly and not through the haze of a headache.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G. Hill. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “light.”  Make use of it any way you like. Have fun!


SoCS – Jump-Scares

Sometimes I really need to read the prompt, have it show me a word and then just write. And it seems like every time I really want that, Linda throws me for a loop. Nope, Helen, you actually have to figure the word out yourself among the, I don’t know, hundreds(?) of four-letter words out there. I guess it’s not her fault though. Not really…

(I really appreciate Linda because keeping up a blog prompt isn’t easy, so thanks, Lady!)

I decided to keep it a bit lighter today. My life is stressful enough right now without rehashing it all on my blog.

I like scary movies. I don’t know why I like them because they really get to me. They scare me, even though I know they aren’t real, and many times they make me feel really gross, like “why am I watching this again?” But every time I’ve told myself I couldn’t possibly watch another one, I find myself renting another one or borrowing one from a friend.

Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on how you look at it – my kids like them too. We watched one on Netflix not too long ago called “Babadook” and that show scared the crap out of me. I was talking to Adelle afterwards, and I realized it wasn’t so much about the scary content, it was really more about the Mother and her son. When you become a Mom, the meanings and things that happen in movies change and you suddenly look at them very differently.

My kids? Their response: “It was just a bunch of jump-scares.”

Last night, I watched Sinister with the boyfriend. He said it was the worst movie he had ever seen. I don’t think it was terrible, in fact, it did exactly what I thought it would. I jumped multiple times, my heart was racing, I was wringing my hands. I’m thinking watching scary movies releases some sort of chemical that we just can’t get enough of. Like riding roller coasters or extreme sports.

My boyfriend is into true crime, and I am too, but sometimes I just want to watch something that can’t possibly be true and it’s all just good fun. He laughed at me multiple times last night, so I think it was a good time all around.

Adelle – and let’s be honest, the boys too – hates watching scary movies with me because I scream out loud and that scares everyone more than whatever was happening on the screen. I scream then everyone jumps and yells at me for scaring them.

I guess I’m just one of those people that jump-scares really work. I think that’s why I hate going to haunted houses. Now those are places that are all about the jump-scares. Except they aren’t on a harmless screen. They actually jump out at you or chase you or get in your face. I actually end up getting mad, rather than enjoying myself. And who wants that? I don’t! My boyfriend keeps trying to talk me into going to a haunted house this year, but I really don’t like them. Which is funny because I love scary movies. I don’t know. I guess I’m just weird like that.

I’m also the girl who likes paranormal scary movies and zombie movies, but I don’t like those movies where some random killer goes around and chops people up for no reason at all. It’s a science, in my head, that makes absolutely no sense to anyone else. But I’m okay with that. I just try and watch what a like and ignore the hecklers.

What about you. Do you like scary movies?

This scary Stream of Consciousness post is hosted by Linda G. Hill. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “four-letter word.”  Use any four-letter word as your theme. Enjoy!” Please fee free to click the link and join in, or read other posts.


SoCS – The Fantastic, Terrible, Magical Mind

I’m more and more convinced that the mind is a fantastic thing, but it can also be terrible if you allow it to do whatever it wants. That might sound strange, but I do have examples, so bear with me.

I really believe in that whole concept that went viral in the book called “The Secret.” The only thing I feel it misses is the actual process. It’s awesome to think we can create things with our mind, just by simply focusing on it. And that’s a pretty easy thing to say. But when you really think about it, how many thoughts go through our minds that we don’t even know about. Have you ever just sat and watched your thoughts?

I have, and I can tell you, we don’t even realize all the things our mind comes up with, so even if we think we are focusing on wealth, or that parking space at the front of the store, there are so many thoughts that go through our minds at the same time or pretty damn near close; so that what happens is the thought is muddied by all the other thoughts that penetrate.

For example, my daughter flew back to North Carolina on Wednesday. I was thinking about her getting on the plane and before I knew it I was imagining the plane crashing and then before I knew it I was at the funeral wondering what I would do if certain people showed up. What the hell?

I do the same thing when I’m driving. I’ll imagine what would happen if I lost control of my car and before I know it, I’m watching my car smash into the guard rail and I’m seeing ambulances and police cars and crying people at my funeral.

I think the good news, and the most amazing thing about the mind is that we have the ultimate control. We think many different thoughts in the day, but we don’t have to allow our minds to control what we are thinking. The key is to recognize what is going on and either change the thought or create space around it. It almost immediately disappears.

I think that’s why I love Eckhart Tolle so much. He teaches the Power of Now; this moment right here is the only one that matters. Allowing our thoughts to run ragged all over us is either living in past or future or some time that could possibly happen if this or that thing occurs and before you know it, it’s all over in the magic of a few thoughts that spun completely out of control.

As I’m writing this, I’m realizing that these thoughts are the things that create great stories, though, so how to harness it so it doesn’t tear your life apart? Maybe that’s why writing is such a tough gig. Or maybe I’m just in that writer mode of writing is so hard and woe my writer life.

It’s all a balancing act. Balance and intention and living life with a purpose. Regardless of the negative tone this piece might have taken, I really do think our minds are pretty magical.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G. Hill. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “mind.”  Use it any way you think to. Have fun!”