SoCS – The Body and it’s amazing capacity to heal

Any time I think back on the past few months and everything we’ve been through, I’m amazed at the human spirit.  I’m amazed that we can go through so much physically and emotionally and still have hope; still wake up each new day and find reasons to keep taking each breath and putting one foot in front of the other.

Some days are harder than others, though.

When I was preparing for my surgery in December, I was thinking I would be back to “normal” within a few weeks.  It wasn’t my first surgery after all, and that was typically how long it took my body to heal.  Boy, was I mistaken.  Apparently, there are certain surgeries that are more invasive than others, and I had no idea what I was in for.  I still feel like my body is different in certain ways (other than missing a certain piece that was no longer serving any useful purpose except to cause me pain).  It’s strange to think how everything in our bodies is so connected.

I didn’t feel completely back to “normal” again when we found out about my fiance.  Now he’s dealing with recovery and some days feel like an eternity when all you want is to have your body back.

I think I’m a pretty decent caregiver, except when it comes to the emotions.  I don’t know, that’s probably not even true.  But, what I do know is that it hurts me to see him like this and I feel so weak when I cry and worry.  It’s hard to know the “right” things to say or do.  I’m constantly telling him that I’m supposed to be the strong one to help him through this, but I find myself just as sad and depressed as he is because things aren’t completely back to normal yet.  (Not that they should be, by any means).

I’ve sort of strayed from my original theme of amazement.

Our bodies are elusive, wonderfully strange things.  Being there with him right after surgery, I watched the tubes and machines and all the things I can only imagine they did to his body during surgery, and the only thing I feel is amazed.  Amazed that our bodies heal like they do; amazed that we (or doctors) have the ability to fix something that was defective from birth; amazed that everything is so connected, that when one thing is “broken” you might feel it in different parts of your body as other parts start to compensate for the “broken” piece.

I suppose I could go on and on about it, but I’m sure it’s intermixed with a certain frustration that while our bodies are amazing, they are super frustrating sometimes in terms of emotions.  The workings of the body are super logical and I suppose just science, which doesn’t really factor in the emotional turmoil you find yourself in during the whole healing process.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is to begin your post with the word “any” and bonus points if your theme starts with another word that begins with “A”.



Imagine: Pentatonix

I suppose I should have thought to post this myself after listening to Karuna’s original post this morning, but I’m choosing to share her post instead. Such a great message for today and always, and I simply love this version and the message they share.

Living, Learning and Letting Go

When Helen from Song Lyric Sunday read my post Imagine today, she told me of another group that sang the song. I just listed to their version. I was so touched by their rendition and the message that went with it that I decided to share it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

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Song Lyric Sunday – In Repair by John Mayer

When I first decided on the theme for this week, I really didn’t have a song chosen.  I didn’t at first realize how difficult it would be to find a song to fit the theme, especially the way I was thinking of it.  There’s many breakup songs that could fit the theme, but that’s not necessarily where I wanted to go.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is to scan every song in my iTunes library until I happen upon one that works.  It usually doesn’t work, but yesterday it did.

I’ve said before that John Mayer is one of my favorites.  His lyrics and talent blow me away.  There’s an 18 minute video on his Vevo that talks about how this was written and recorded in one day.  I wanted to focus on the song itself, so I used a different video, but if you have time and want to look it up, I think it’s pretty amazing.

I know when he’s singing about his heart in the song, he’s not necessarily singing about it the way it had meaning for me this week, but this song really hit home for me, what with my fiance’s surgery.  I know he wouldn’t appreciate too much information here, but this has been something he’s been dreading for much of his life, and I’m so happy he’s finally on the other side of things and healing more and more every day.

I think life has a way of making things happen exactly when they were meant to.  While it wasn’t ideal, I think it happened at the time in his life when I was here and could help him get through it.  I also believe it will allow us to spend many more years together.

So, once again, I’m dedicating this song to you, my love.  You’re in repair, but getting there every day.

In Repair by John Mayer
Lyrics by John Mayer
Lyrics found at AZ Lyrics

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it’s taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me
Oh it’s taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

And now I’m walking in a park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh it’s taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
Oh, yeah I’m never really ready, Oh, yeah, I’m never really ready
I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there
I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there

I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there
I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there
I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there
I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there

The Song Lyric Sunday theme for this week was to post a song about healing.  Please feel free to click the link, read the rules and post one of your own.


JustJoJan Day 2 – It just takes time

Time is such a fleeting thing.  I remember when I was younger and it seemed like a year dragged on for a lifetime.  Now, a year seems like it’s barely there before we are starting a new one.  It’s exhilarating and exhausting.

I don’t even know what happened to 2016… especially the last half of it.  I’m happy we are finally settled in our new home and we don’t ever have to go through that process again (at least, if I can help it, we won’t).

I wasn’t planning on surgery as part of the deal in 2016, but sometimes life and our bodies have other plans for us.  Everyone keeps telling me to “give it time” and to “be patient” but I really just want to get back to my life, you know?  I’ve never been very patient with the whole healing process.

I’ve had surgery before, but this one seems like it’s one of the bigger, more daunting ones, so I haven’t been able to bounce back as quickly as I would have hoped.

I went to my nephew’s first birthday party on Saturday and when I saw him, I went to pick him up so I could give him loves from his Aunt… I completely forgot that I’m not supposed to lift anything over… is it ten pounds?  I thought that was highly ridiculous until I was only able to lift Brody about 2 inches off the ground before I handed him off to my daughter.  Yeah, I guess they really mean it when they say don’t lift anything.

My Fiance is constantly upset with me (not really) about how much I’m doing.  He’s been a real gem through this whole thing and I appreciate him more and more every day.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that time will come and go at whatever pace it chooses, but all we can do is enjoy the moments while they last.  I’m not enjoying the recovery process at all, but I suppose it will go better for me if I at least learn to accept it and breath through it, rather than fighting my way through, kicking and screaming.


Just Jot It January is hosted by Linda G. Hill.  Today’s prompt, time, is brought to us by Joanna at Anything is Possible.


Everyone Heals Differently

I was watching Criminal Minds the other night and granted, it’s Criminal Minds so some of the subject matter is dark and rather hard to take sometimes; but this time was different. This time, there were scenes that took me back to a time in my life that I continually think I’ve moved on from, that I think I’ve healed from, but then a song or pictures from a movie or something else will take me back.

I nearly had a panic attack it was so strong. I really felt like I lost a sense of this reality and was back in that one but more in an emotional sense.

It makes me wonder if I will ever truly heal.

I suppose sometimes we think that “healing” means letting it go and moving on, never to think about it again or feel it again or see it again. But I think there are some things where this never happens. The most we can do is accept that it is a part of us and do our best to not attach to the memories when they surround us and fill up our waking moments and we drown in them for as long as they have us in their clutches.

Everyone heals at their own pace, even when speaking of physical ailments. I had my gall bladder out a little over a year ago and the doctor told me I could be back to work in three days or it could take two weeks; everyone is different. I’m not sure why we all have this expectation of emotional trauma that there is a time frame for healing. “Didn’t that happen 25 years ago and your still not over it?” “I’ve moved on, why haven’t you?” People almost take it personally that I’m having a harder time healing when in reality, I’m not sure if they’ve necessarily healed, they just have a better way of burying it somewhere and not looking at it or dealing with it. This could be very judgmental on my part. Maybe people really do move on that quickly and who am I to say they didn’t really move on, they just buried it.

I think about it a lot because my brother lost his son when he was eighteen months old and everyone around him had an expectation and we all wondered why it was taking so long for his grief to lessen. How horrible is that? And it’s not like it was coming from a place of trying to help him. I think it was coming more from a place of feeling uncomfortable around his grief. It’s not an easy thing to be around someone who is grieving so strongly. I can’t really empathize because I’ve never lost a child; but even if I could, how could that possibly help? It doesn’t. All we can do is accept their grief, but most people have a hard time doing that.

I think it’s the same with emotional trauma in that we never really heal but most people are uncomfortable around someone who is hurting all the time so we learn to hide it or bury it or we stop talking about it and turn it inward where we still battle it, but at least no one will judge us for it.

I suppose this is a really dark take on healing. It comes from me wondering why and if and honestly how can I possibly still hurt this much from something that happened so long ago. They say time heals all wounds, but I don’t believe it. Time just takes you farther away from the event so maybe it’s not in such clear focus anymore and maybe, just maybe it is a little more bearable. But I honestly believe that there are some things we just don’t heal from.

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday where we were prompted with heal/heel today by Linda G Hill. It is also part of Just Jot It January also hosted by the same lovely lady. Feel free to click the links and join in.

JJJ 2015