Any time I think back on the past few months and everything we’ve been through, I’m amazed at the human spirit. I’m amazed that we can go through so much physically and emotionally and still have hope; still wake up each new day and find reasons to keep taking each breath and putting one foot in front of the other.
Some days are harder than others, though.
When I was preparing for my surgery in December, I was thinking I would be back to “normal” within a few weeks. It wasn’t my first surgery after all, and that was typically how long it took my body to heal. Boy, was I mistaken. Apparently, there are certain surgeries that are more invasive than others, and I had no idea what I was in for. I still feel like my body is different in certain ways (other than missing a certain piece that was no longer serving any useful purpose except to cause me pain). It’s strange to think how everything in our bodies is so connected.
I didn’t feel completely back to “normal” again when we found out about my fiance. Now he’s dealing with recovery and some days feel like an eternity when all you want is to have your body back.
I think I’m a pretty decent caregiver, except when it comes to the emotions. I don’t know, that’s probably not even true. But, what I do know is that it hurts me to see him like this and I feel so weak when I cry and worry. It’s hard to know the “right” things to say or do. I’m constantly telling him that I’m supposed to be the strong one to help him through this, but I find myself just as sad and depressed as he is because things aren’t completely back to normal yet. (Not that they should be, by any means).
I’ve sort of strayed from my original theme of amazement.
Our bodies are elusive, wonderfully strange things. Being there with him right after surgery, I watched the tubes and machines and all the things I can only imagine they did to his body during surgery, and the only thing I feel is amazed. Amazed that our bodies heal like they do; amazed that we (or doctors) have the ability to fix something that was defective from birth; amazed that everything is so connected, that when one thing is “broken” you might feel it in different parts of your body as other parts start to compensate for the “broken” piece.
I suppose I could go on and on about it, but I’m sure it’s intermixed with a certain frustration that while our bodies are amazing, they are super frustrating sometimes in terms of emotions. The workings of the body are super logical and I suppose just science, which doesn’t really factor in the emotional turmoil you find yourself in during the whole healing process.
Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is to begin your post with the word “any” and bonus points if your theme starts with another word that begins with “A”.