Song Lyric Sunday – Hollow by Breaking Benjamin

I’m feeling like a terrible host. I haven’t listened to all your entries in three weeks now! I know I always say it, but I really do mean it; I will catch up. One of these days I will also stay caught up for more than a week.

This song suits me just fine today. It makes me want to listen to the whole album and just drown in the grayness of it all. I think there are beautiful moments in the album, but I wouldn’t call it “happy”.

Anyway, I don’t have much else to say. I just hope you enjoy the song as much as I do!

Stay alive
Heaven holds a place for us tonight
I am paralyzed
Close your eyes
Drive away the cloud that hides the light
And leave the pain behind
Dead alive
Find a way to bury all the lies
Escape the pain inside
‘Cause I don’t want to fall
Or let you go
Love left me hollow
I’m with you in the end
Cold, crippled, and shallow
Don’t leave me here again
Fruit of life
I can hear the voices of the hive
Chemicals collide
Loaded smile
Light the way for those you left behind
Set the earth on fire
‘Cause I don’t want enough
I want it all
Love left me hollow
I’m with you in the end
Cold, crippled, and shallow
Don’t leave me here again
I can’t go on
You are bound to break me in
I come undone
Don’t you drag me down again
I’ve come undone!
Love left me hollow
I’m with you in the end
Cold, crippled, and shallow
Don’t leave me here again
I can’t go on
You are bound to break me in
I come undone
Don’t you drag me down again
Songwriters: Benjamin Burnley
Hollow lyrics © Walt Disney Music Company

The Song Lyric Sunday theme for this week was hide/hiding/hidden.  Please feel free to click the link, read the rules and post one of your own.

IMG_1345

Advertisements

Song Lyric Sunday – She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

Not only did I get Jim Adam’s theme wrong (it was supposed to be simile), if I had it to do all over again, I probably wouldn’t have picked “smile”.  All I can think is that it’s the universe’s way of getting to me.  Perhaps it’s trying to tell me something.  Perhaps I need to smile, but in the past few days, I keep finding reasons not to.

I suppose that’s what led me to pick this particular song.  Maybe someone, somewhere will see something good in me, because I’m for sure not seeing it right now.  “Broken smile” is just about how it feels to be me right now, which reeks of self pity and all those things I fight against, but sometimes it’s good to just say it, you know?  Perhaps if I acknowledge how terrible I’m feeling, it might turn things around.  Sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn’t.

So, I’m going to drown myself in music for a while, thanks to my amazing followers.  Thanks for making my Sunday’s so enjoyable, even when I can’t find much joy.  And even though this song talks about the girl with the broken smile, I think there is also hope.

I do hope you enjoy.

Beauty queen of only eighteen she
Had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her, she
Always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles and wound up
At your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow I want more
I don’t mind spendin’ everyday
Out on your corner in the pourin’ rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved, and she will be loved
Tap on my window, knock on my door, I
Want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore
It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along yeah
My heart is full, and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want yeah
I don’t mind spendin’ everyday
Out on your corner in the pourin’ rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved, and she will be loved
And she will be loved, and she will be loved
I know where you hide alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and makes me catch her every time she
Falls
Yeah, tap on my window, knock on my door, I
Want to make you feel beautiful
I don’t mind spendin’ everyday
Out on your corner in the pourin’ rain oh
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved, and she will be loved
And she will be loved, and she will be loved
Please don’t try so hard to say good-bye
I don’t mind spendin’ everyday, out on your corner in the pourin’ rain
Please don’t try so hard to say good-bye
Songwriters: Adam Levine / James Valentine / James B. Valentine / Jesse Royal Carmichael / Michael Allen Madden / Mickey Madden / Ryan Michael Dusick
She Will Be Loved lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

The Song Lyric Sunday theme for this week was “smile”.  Please feel free to click the link, read the rules and post one of your own.

IMG_1345

SoCS – I’m fine, really…

Fine is one of those words that doesn’t really inspire writing.  If you were inspired by it, I salute you because I’ve been sitting here for fifteen minutes with nothing buy fuzz in my head.  I’m not even sure I would use it in writing, to be honest.  Describing someone as “fine” is just not descriptive at all.  Fine is something I usually say when I’m upset and not ready to talk yet.  “Are you okay?”  “I’m fine!”

The other descriptive way it’s been used in the past is to describe someone as beautiful or handsome.  “He’s so fine.”  I think it was before my time, or maybe it just my time after all and I just don’t want to admit it.

I even thought about adding a prefix to it and talking about defining myself, but honestly, I’m not in the best frame of mind for that sort of post.  I feel like I’m floundering and nothing feels quite right.  I know I’m in a funk and when it’s like this, my thoughts work overtime trying to come up with “solutions” to the “problem”, when really, there is no solution.  Depression is like that, isn’t it?  The minute you try to define it, you’ve pretty much lost yourself to a vacuum of negativity and churning thoughts that go nowhere.

See, I didn’t really want this post to be like this, but it seems my stream of consciousness is reflective of my dark mood.  The weather isn’t helping.  It seems to me that our seasons have sort of changed.  March used to be the start of spring, but we just barely started having winter, so I’m thinking we might just go straight to summer in June like we did last year.  I’m actually happy it finally started snowing.  It’s weird to have the expectation of something and then to watch day after day without that thing happening.

That sounds an awful lot like what’s going on inside me right now; the expectation of something that isn’t quite happening.  Nothing’s really great, but nothing is really bad either.  I suppose you could say that I’m just fine…


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is “fine.” Use it any way you’d like, bonus points if you use it as the last word of your post. Have fun!

  

#JustJoJan Day 1 – Internal Drama

I’m starting to think that the most drama I’ve had in the past month has been all in my own head.  It’s been pretty rough.  I think so much drama, that sometimes I fight back and it becomes a full-on battle.  I’ve always known that I’m not very nice to myself, but it’s become so ingrained in me that I don’t even realize it’s happening most of the time.

I’m starting to wonder how much better life would be if I replaced at least half of the negativity with positive thoughts.  The crazy thing is that I think I’m a pretty positive person, at least on the outside.  So, why is it so hard to be that way with myself?  I honestly don’t know.

I’m not here to make resolutions, though, because they rarely work for very long.  I think this is just noticing what I’m doing.  I’ve heard it’s the first step in overcoming it.  I wonder how long it will take to get to the next step?


Just Jot It January is hosted by Linda G. Hill. Today’s word was suggested to us by Ritu at But I Smile Anyway….  I’m going to try and post every day this month.  I’ve been wanting to get back to my blog more, so wish me luck!

Song Lyric Sunday – Burning Bright by Shinedown

As you all know, I struggle with depression.  This, of course, means that I’ve spent a lot of my life pretending because sometimes it’s easier to pretend than to admit that things aren’t okay.  On one hand I want to say it’s a bad thing, but I think it’s helped in some ways.  You know that whole saying that you have to fake it until you make it?  When things weren’t at their worst, but I could still feel the cloud surrounding me, I decided to get up and do something, no matter what it was, and just by doing it, I could sometimes make the cloud disappear.

It doesn’t always work and it’s never easy.  Most of the time, I just have to live with the cloud and tell myself over and over again that things are okay, even though it feels like everything is falling apart.

I wasn’t sure what song I was going to pick for today, but then I came across this song.  I started listening to Shinedown because they ended up being the headline band at a concert my daughter and I attended.  Little did I know that I would fall in love with them and their style of music.  This song is no exception.

I hope you enjoy!

Lyrics found at Google Play Music

I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without a reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider my hesitation

The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I’m burning, burning bright

I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I’ll express my situation

The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I’m burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I’m burning

There’s nothing ever wrong, but nothing’s ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I crossed the line, it’s not easy to define
I’m born to indecision
There’s always something new, some path I’m supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason

The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I’m burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I’m burning

I feel like there is no need for conversation

Written by Brent Smith, Tony Battaglia • Copyright © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

The Song Lyric Sunday theme for this week was pretending.  Please feel free to click the link, read the rules and post one of your own.

IMG_1345

SoCS – Sunshine in the midst of rain

I’ve been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately.  Oh, there’s been moments of light where I realize things are going pretty well, but for the most part, my brain spends many, many hours a day drenched in negativity.  It was actually a breath of fresh air to wake up to Facebook this morning and its sometimes annoying “memory” of the day.

Today, it gave me a post of my “Spring Memories”.  It was heart-warming to see the photos because my Spring memories are full of hospitals, pain, pain meds and healing.  Not to mention the nasty thoughts that swirl around my brain, creating an alternate reality.

It’s sometimes hard to remember that I GOT MARRIED!  I also went on the best hike with my boys on Mother’s day.  It was one of the more perfect Mother’s days I can remember, to be honest.  Then there was the fact that my husband survived heart surgery…!

We are trying to look at the whole thing as a positive because, you know, he’s still here.  But sometimes it’s so easy to only focus on the two weeks in the hospital, the terror of wondering if I would ever see him alive again and the freshly healing scars.  It’s hard to see the sunshine when it seems that the rain is pouring down and the clouds are darkening every day and there doesn’t seem to be a break in sight.

The reality is that the clouds dissipated for days at a time, and there was so much sunshine.  I’m just wondering when my brain is going to catch up…

I suppose I should remember that I’m not a slave to my thoughts.  It’s not like my brain has some demon entity in there controlling my thoughts and making me miserable all day, every day, even though it seems like it.  The logical part of me remembers that depression doesn’t define who I am, but the emotional part of me wonders if I’m strong enough to hold the demon at bay.

Anyway, this is just another reminder today that life is worth living and there are moments of joy even in the midst of the worst times.

It’s my goal to return to the things that make the depression easier to bear – writing and exercising.  Although, the exercise may have to wait another month or so because my 40-year old body just doesn’t heal as quickly from surgery as it used to and two surgeries for me in less than six months just about did me in.

Happy Saturday everyone!


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is “rain/rein/reign”.

  socsbadge2016-17

Daily Prompt – Bitter

The Bitter Wind

The arctic wind blows across my face
Searing…
Burning…
Frozen in place

Icy hands reach for my heart
Clawing…
Gripping…
Becoming a part

Bitterness craters…
Shrivels!
The once radiant smile
Until there’s nothing left

The torch that once burned
Brighter…
Sweetest…
Slowly grows dim
…Fades away


In response to The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt – Bitter.