SoCS – The Body and it’s amazing capacity to heal

Any time I think back on the past few months and everything we’ve been through, I’m amazed at the human spirit.  I’m amazed that we can go through so much physically and emotionally and still have hope; still wake up each new day and find reasons to keep taking each breath and putting one foot in front of the other.

Some days are harder than others, though.

When I was preparing for my surgery in December, I was thinking I would be back to “normal” within a few weeks.  It wasn’t my first surgery after all, and that was typically how long it took my body to heal.  Boy, was I mistaken.  Apparently, there are certain surgeries that are more invasive than others, and I had no idea what I was in for.  I still feel like my body is different in certain ways (other than missing a certain piece that was no longer serving any useful purpose except to cause me pain).  It’s strange to think how everything in our bodies is so connected.

I didn’t feel completely back to “normal” again when we found out about my fiance.  Now he’s dealing with recovery and some days feel like an eternity when all you want is to have your body back.

I think I’m a pretty decent caregiver, except when it comes to the emotions.  I don’t know, that’s probably not even true.  But, what I do know is that it hurts me to see him like this and I feel so weak when I cry and worry.  It’s hard to know the “right” things to say or do.  I’m constantly telling him that I’m supposed to be the strong one to help him through this, but I find myself just as sad and depressed as he is because things aren’t completely back to normal yet.  (Not that they should be, by any means).

I’ve sort of strayed from my original theme of amazement.

Our bodies are elusive, wonderfully strange things.  Being there with him right after surgery, I watched the tubes and machines and all the things I can only imagine they did to his body during surgery, and the only thing I feel is amazed.  Amazed that our bodies heal like they do; amazed that we (or doctors) have the ability to fix something that was defective from birth; amazed that everything is so connected, that when one thing is “broken” you might feel it in different parts of your body as other parts start to compensate for the “broken” piece.

I suppose I could go on and on about it, but I’m sure it’s intermixed with a certain frustration that while our bodies are amazing, they are super frustrating sometimes in terms of emotions.  The workings of the body are super logical and I suppose just science, which doesn’t really factor in the emotional turmoil you find yourself in during the whole healing process.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is to begin your post with the word “any” and bonus points if your theme starts with another word that begins with “A”.



Mindful Monday – Saying Goodbye to Morning Coffee

I’ve been having health issues that have caused me to make some changes in my life.  It’s funny how you don’t realize something until it sort of hits you in the face…

My doctor asked me if I drank a lot of caffeine and my immediate response was to say no, but that’s because my morning coffee is such an embedded part of my day, that I completely forget about it as an actual “thing”.  I didn’t think I was drinking a ton of it, though – I usually only had two to three cups in the morning and then switched to water by about mid-day.  It was only recently that I started making an almost daily run at lunch to the gas station for a diet coke, which probably didn’t help anything.  I don’t know, I still don’t think it was a lot.

My body decided it was finished with it, though.  I always say I need to listen to my body and what it’s telling me, but I don’t think I ever expected it to upset me so much.

I miss my morning coffee.  I think it became such an emotional experience for me – having a cup while I sat down at my computer to write; sharing a cup with my sissy as we talked about life and anything really; just the smell of coffee as it was brewing while I made breakfast for the family.  It was a little bright spot of happiness every morning and I pretty much resent not being able to do it now.

Perhaps time will help – it’s only been a few days, after all.

Why is it we create such emotional experiences surrounding food and drink?  I don’t even think we realize we are doing it until we are either forced to stop or decide to stop for one reason or another and then wonder why it’s so hard.

Even now, I’m thinking that maybe I can get to a point where I could have just one cup a day… that wouldn’t be so bad, would it?

I imagine this is what anyone says who is addicted to something in their life.  Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m letting it go, not just for my health, but because I am so obviously addicted to it.

Happy Monday everyone!

Bee at A Spirit of Healing is currently hosting Mindful Monday while Colleen at Silver Threading is away.


Mindful Monday – Geeking About Exercise

I picked up my own gauntlet last week and ran full steam ahead.  On Wednesday, I started the workout video I talked about last week, and I did it religiously until Saturday.

I know what you’re thinking… “Did she stop?”

The answer is a resounding “No!”

However, I didn’t do the video on Saturday… I actually did something even more fun and slightly more difficult.

My sister-in-law started a new gym a while ago, but they aren’t a traditional gym; at least, that’s the impression I’m getting.  Anyway, they held a free event on Saturday and, on a whim, I decided to go with her.

What a blast!  It was hard, to be sure, and I should have worn sunscreen, but I will always be down for exercise in the form of games.  I even have pictures for you!


They called it “Geek Games, The Second” and it was all based around Warcraft.  I think it would have been even more fun if we’d had enough people to make two teams, but those of us who did show up, rocked it!

This is our list of exercises:

I shot a bow and arrow, a fun little plastic number shown below, and I even hit the target once!  I wielded a sword (an actual one, not a plastic one) and we shot “spells” at each other in Wizard’s Dodge Ball.  The spells were actually exercises and if you were hit, you had to drop and do the exercise written on the ball.  I ended up getting stuck with 20 mountain climbers at one point.


“The Glyph” was a puzzle and if we hadn’t solved it after five minutes, we had to do five burpees.  I won’t even tell you how many burpees we did because we were given incorrect directions and couldn’t solve the damn thing!  But, I didn’t even care, because who can complain about more exercise?  (Well, I think anyone would, but we gave the game master plenty of crap about it).


The last one was “The Siege”

Basically, three of us had to drag that tire up a huge hill that you can’t see off to the left of the photo.  I honestly didn’t think we’d be able to do it, but we did!

I woke up Saturday morning not feeling very well and I almost texted my partner in crime to let her know I wouldn’t be there.  But, after thinking about it, I decided that I’d rather get out and do something physical than sit around the house all day feeling sorry for myself.  I’m so happy I went, even if I was sore as hell on Saturday and Sunday.


It was hard to get up this morning and go back to my workout video, but I did it!  I’m well on my way to making a habit and getting exercise back into my life, and Saturday serves as a great remember that exercise is hard, but it sure can be fun!

Bee at A Spirit of Healing is currently hosting Mindful Monday while Colleen at Silver Threading is away.


Mindful Monday – A Long Lost Friend

I stepped back into blogging on Saturday and I’ve been feeling much better about life.  I also feel like I want to take that next step to a healthier me.  It’s been a rough few months of pain, extreme emotion and trying to find my place in my own life, but I realized a while ago that if I was going to make any significant changes, I needed to be coming from a better place.

I feel like I’ve finally reached that place.  Maybe I won’t allow myself to run anymore, but there are things I can do, I just haven’t wanted to do those things because, I don’t know… I was grieving?  But, now that I’ve basically pulled my head out, I’m realizing that I may still be able to run, I just need to work my body up to it and do the things that will stretch those muscles and make it easier to run.

I don’t need a physical therapist to show me how to exercise… maybe it would help, but I spent an entire summer running more than I ever have with no pain whatsoever.  I think the reason I was able to do that, though, was because I was also doing cross-training.  I believe there were things in those exercises that worked the muscles I need for running.

So, I’ve decided to force myself back to cross-training.  I’m giving up the gym and my running shoes and I’ve decided to put in a DVD!  My sister gave me a DVD workout series forever ago and I did it for maybe a minute, but then I stopped because… well, I liked running way more.  I’m realizing, though, that I like a more toned, thinner, healthier me, too, so I need to do whatever it takes.

Will it be hard?  Absolutely!  Am I ready to do it?  Yes I am.

I’m giving up 45 minutes of laying in bed every morning, but I’m committing to a full 4 months of this video.  I’m excited to see the results, not just at the end, but along the way.  I miss that high you get when the endorphins are pumping, and I’m looking forward to it.  It’s like I rediscovered a long lost friend and I can’t wait to catch up!

How about you?  How are your goals going?

Bee at A Spirit of Healing is currently hosting Mindful Monday while Colleen at Silver Threading is away.


Mindful Monday – Feeling Depleted

I honestly had no idea what to write, but I’d like to thank Bee for her heart-felt post today.  It’s given me the freedom to do almost the same thing.

I’m going through something physically and it’s taken everything out of me today.  I am also still dealing with some emotional turmoil from a few weeks ago.

As Bee said, sometimes living a mindful lifestyle means you face your demons.  But when you do, it can overtake everything else and leave you feeling depleted.

I appreciate my family’s love and support.  They’re helping me to get through this.  Their advice is to be positive and stay in the present moment, and I can tell you that I’m giving it all I have.

I hope you’ll understand. ❤

Bee at A Spirit of Healing is currently hosting Mindful Monday while Colleen at Silver Threading is away.


Mindful Monday – Positive Self-Talk and Acceptance

I’m constantly amazed at the power of the human mind; however, I’m thinking of it more in terms of derailment rather than it’s ability to heal and move on.   I spent the entire weekend wanting to escape, and I believe I succeeded rather well.  Did it serve a purpose?  Well, yes, in the short term.  Did it help?  Not at all.  In fact, I’ve set myself back almost an entire week because my escape choices didn’t lend themselves very well to dieting.

I remember telling myself at one point in my life, probably more than once, that dieting is terrible and I sincerely hoped I would never find myself in a position to have to do it again.

I’ve been thinking though… is it really necessary?  It’s so stressful and I spend more time being negative about the way I look, what I’m eating and how I’m feeling than I do being positive about those things, even though I know in my heart that positivity is much better for making any sort of meaningful changes.

So, as of right this moment, I am no longer “dieting”!  I’m going to accept myself for what I am right this moment.  Am I going to continue to eat less portions?  Absolutely!  Am I going to keep climbing the stairs every morning at work and adding exercise back into my lifestyle?  Yes I am.

What I’m no longer going to do is look at myself in the mirror every day and call myself names or tell myself I’m huge or any of the other terrible things I say to myself.  I’m okay just as I am and it’s time I start loving myself again.

When my fiance says negative things about himself, I can honestly tell him that I love him no matter what and he will always be beautiful to me.  However, when I say the same negative things to myself, I accept them and feel terrible.  Why is it easier to love someone else no matter what than it is to love yourself?

I’ve struggled with self-image my entire life.  I believe many people do.  And it’s not an easy thing to change.  But the only way to change negative self-talk is to replace it with positive words and images.

It’s time to accept myself and the choices I’ve made to get myself to where I’m at today.  I believe until I do, I won’t see any real changes.

How are you doing with your goals this week?

Bee at A Spirit of Healing is currently hosting Mindful Monday while Colleen at Silver Threading is away.


Mindful Monday – Celebrating the small victories

I set out on a journey, of sorts, last week but I have to tell you that I went into it with a really bad attitude.  I was depressed and feeling pretty terrible about myself, but I knew I had to do something.  I knew I could do something to change my course and so I did.

I wasn’t perfect last week, but I ate a whole lot less and walked up the stairs most days at work.  On the whole, I considered it a successful first week, but you never really know until you step on a scale.

I didn’t really want to do it (I really dislike stepping on the scale) but I wanted to see if all my efforts had any effect whatsoever.  And you know what?  They did.  I lost about 4 pounds and I am feeling amazing.  I think having confirmation of your work helps keep you going and I’m definitely going to keep going.

The strangest thing that happened was feeling my stomach react to food when it was almost surely empty.  I didn’t starve myself, if that’s what you’re thinking, but I did eat a lot less.  I can only think that I used to eat so much, that foods which should have made me sick, only troubled me a little bit because there was food already in there soaking up the new stuff.  I’m not sure if that makes any sense…

Anyway, this whole journey is teaching me the foods that my body likes and the foods that I know are really terrible for me.  Not only am I just eating until I am full (which takes awareness and eating much slower), I am also going to stop eating the foods that make me sick, no matter how much I love the taste of them.  It isn’t worth putting something in my body that makes me feel like crap for hours afterwards.

So there you have it – a small success story and my motivation to keep going.  Thank you to all who commented last week.  Your words helped get me through those first few days.

I hope your mindful journey is going well and you are having some successes you can celebrate!

Bee at A Spirit of Healing is currently hosting Mindful Monday while Colleen at Silver Threading is away.