Flash Fiction – Avenging Angel

Every mom wants the best for their child, and I’m no exception. I don’t know how many times I pictured your graduation; you, in a white dress, walking down the aisle; you having a child of your own. It’s something a mother almost expects. What they don’t expect is a gravestone.

Yours reads:

My Angel
May 23, 1990 – January 12, 2005
Gone to find her wings…

I wish you could tell me whether or not you like it. I tried to capture you, all of you; but how do you do that in such a small space. You were so large. You filled up every room and the light sort of fizzled the moment you stepped out of it. When you left this world, you took so much of me with you that there isn’t much left; not much reason for me to remain.

I can hear you now, telling me how cryptic I am; how I have so much to live for. I know you’d want me to move on. Perhaps you’d also understand that I just can’t.

I’m not so bold to think you’d thank me for it or that you’d do the same for me. I would honestly tell you not to. But would it matter? I don’t know.

For the last year, I’ve listened and I’ve watched. I’ve attended every court session, heard everything they said about you, about what he did. There were moments that I was sure I was being ripped apart.

I wish I could go back to that night and tell you not to go. I wish I could have yelled at myself to go with you. I would have saved you. Either that, or I would still be with you; the two of us, angels up in heaven. We’d take heaven by storm, just like we were so close to doing here.

The details of that night will forever be burned in my memory, as if I’d been there; as if I’d lived it with you. If only I could take the burden from you; the gruesome horror of it. Why couldn’t it have been me? Why did it have to be you?

I’ve watched those twelve people sitting in that box. I’ve watched their faces. At first, they were horrified. I watched as they sent murderous glares to the monster on the other side of the courtroom. If only glares could do what must be done.

It didn’t take long for those looks to change. Now, they are pensive; thoughtful. There were times, when he was on the stand, that everyone was laughing. How could anyone laugh? But I’ve noticed that he has ways with people, which is perhaps why he has been allowed to continue; why you ended up in his grasp.

When they filed out to deliberate, I already knew what was going to happen. I knew what their decision would be, so I found myself leaving the courtroom. I went fast because I didn’t think it would take them long. I drove all the way across town, breaking every speed limit along the way, grabbed the item I knew would set you free, and then I hurried back.

I was right. My phone rang while I was parking. Their deliberation was done.

My heart started beating in my chest like a trapped bird struggling for flight. As far as plans went, mine was flimsy, but I’d been thinking of this since the moment they pulled back the sheet and I saw your broken body lying on the cold hard slab. I didn’t cry then, but I was forever broken.

I settled in with the crowd making their way back into the courtroom. There were whispers, bursts of laughter, and I heard someone crying. Is that me?

I didn’t bother to sit. I stood in the corner at the back of the room. I wanted to be the first one out. It felt like I hadn’t taken a breath before those twelve people were filing back into their seats.

“Ladies and Gentleman of the Jury, have you reached a verdict?”

“We have, your honor.”

My ears started to ring and within seconds, it was a loud roar echoing throughout my head. When they finally said the words, they replaced the roar and continued echoing around my head.

Not Guilty
Not Guilty
Not Guilty

And even though I was expecting it, I almost dropped to my knees in horror. How could they? Didn’t they see what he’d done to you?

I was the first one out the door. I thought I heard someone yelling my name, but I kept on moving. I ran to my car, grabbed what I needed, ran back to the courthouse steps and stood next to a pillar. Before I knew it, he was walking out the doors. Cameras were flashing and people were yelling questions, trying to get his attention.

“How does it feel to be a free man?”

“What are you going to do now?”

I watched as he smiled into all the cameras and started talking into the microphones.

I didn’t need his attention. I just needed him in hell where he belonged. Slowly, I pulled out the gun. Everything became silent except the buzzing that had started in my ears. Slowly, silently, I aimed for the center of his body and pulled the trigger. I pulled it again, and again, and again. I don’t know what happened first, the gun clicking empty or the mad rush of noise in my ears as I felt something hard enter my chest.

Amidst the cacophony of noise that I can’t make sense of, I find myself looking up at the cloudless blue sky, coughing up blood and struggling for breath. I manage to smile when I see white wings above me, beating in the glow of the sun.

Now you are free, my love, and I will be with you soon.


I haven’t participated in a Chuck Wendig challenge in way too long, but this week, it spoke to me.  He asked us to write a story of revenge in about 1,000 words and this one came out pretty easily.  It felt good to write something longer than 100 words.  I guess I can still do it…

Advertisements

Song Lyric Sunday – Hearts on Fire by Marnie

The cool thing about the theme this week is that it forced me to go out and find some music that was new to me.  I was honestly surprised I found some singers with the first name Helen, and I was even more surprised when I actually liked quite a bit of Marnie’s music.

According to Wikipedia, Helen Marnie is Scottish and started a solo career a few years ago.  Her music is electronic/new wave, so not necessarily something I gravitate towards, but it was fun to listen to some of her songs and get to know her a little bit.  I think this song was my favorite one.  I really like the lyrics and it was sort of mellow as well.  I believe she writes all her own lyrics based on something I read on her Wikipedia page, but I don’t know for sure.

Anyway, I do hope you enjoy!

I heard you lost your way
Marching to the beat of a serpent
A fire burning your horizon
Beyond the barricade
Fallen but this black heart is fighting
The hand it was dealt by fate
I hear you now and don’t let me down
Leave the darkness behind
Cast aside and don’t look behind, only silence
Promises will be all we need through the dark days
Lying softly to ourselves
Always never felt so good
We’re the power
Our hearts on fire, hearts on fire
Promises we always made when our hearts on fire
Always never felt so good
We’re the power
Our hearts on fire, hearts on fire
Promises we always made when our hearts on fire
They looked the other way
And now you don’t even recognize them
Bound by a code of silence
So keep your enemies at bay
Marching to the beat of a serpent
Too close for comfort’s sake
Always never felt so good
We’re the power
Our hearts on fire, hearts on fire
Promises we always made when our hearts on fire
Always never felt so good
We’re the power
Our hearts on fire, hearts on fire
Promises we always made when our hearts on fire


The Song Lyric Sunday theme for this week was “a song from an artist/singer who shares your name”.  Please feel free to click the link, read the rules and post one of your own.

IMG_1345

Song Lyric Sunday Theme for 5/20/18

When I first started doing this, I picked a lot of ideas as the theme, rather than a word.  I’m not sure when it changed to words as the theme, but it seemed easier to actually come up with a theme when it was just a word.  However, I had some help this week and I’m really excited about the suggestion, since it will be slightly different than what we’ve been used to.

I hope you will all hop over to Kirstwrites blog this week and give her a huge thanks for keeping things interesting around here this week.

So, let’s just get right to it.  Put your thinking caps on, break out your playlists and get to work!  Our theme for Song Lyric Sunday this week, brought to us by the lovely Kirstwrites, is “a song from an artist/singer who shares your name”.   While this might be a difficult challenge, you could always just post a favorite song if you aren’t able to find an artist/singer that shares your name along with a song you like.  We’ve got to make it difficult sometimes, right?

As always, you can go your own way and post a song that has nothing to do with the prompt.  We’re all here sharing our love of music and lyrics, and most of all, having a great time!

If you would like to suggest a theme, I am open to suggestions.   Please either pop it in the comments or send me an email at helenvahdati@yahoo.com.

Here are the “rules”:

  • Post the lyrics to the song of your choice, whether it fits the theme or not
  • Please try to include the songwriter(s) – it’s a good idea to give credit where credit is due and it’s honestly just a simple Google search
  • Make sure you also credit the singer/band and provide a link to where you found the lyrics
  • Link to the YouTube video, or pull it into your post so others can listen to the song
  • Ping back to this post or my own Song Lyric Sunday post
  • Read at least one other person’s blog so we can all share new and fantastic music and create amazing new blogging friends in the process

Feel free to use the Song Lyric Sunday badge by copying it into your post or add it to your site to show you are participating.

IMG_1345

SoCS – The empty feeling of not running

It has been a LONG time since I did an exercise or health post.  To be honest, I haven’t really exercised in ages and I’m far from healthy in terms of what I eat and how much weight I’ve gained in the past few years.  I decided to make a change (again) and instead of just jumping into something, I decided to make a plan.

I’m probably way over-thinking this, but that’s what I’m good at, so I will try not to let it get too out of hand.

I stopped running a few years ago (was it last year?) because I was in pain.  I went to a physical therapist once, but according to him, I had to relearn how to walk and run and I figured it just wasn’t worth it.  But I’m sort of missing it.  Now that it’s warmer, I see runners on the sidewalks and I am starting to realize that the empty feeling inside is longing.

I just had a thought today about when I went for my first run.  I did it because my sister told me that she had started running and she also told me how much she loved it.  My sister and I have this not so healthy competitive thing that happens with us, but this time, that competition got me up off my ass.  I was actually at her house, and the next morning I just got up and went for a run.  I didn’t have the right shoes.  I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.  I just did it.

Boy, was it hard!  I hurt for a few days and barely ran for most of the mile I was out, but at the same time it felt so good!  After that, I was hooked.  Pain sort of deals a blow to all that nostalgia that running can offer, but I think I’ve learned enough about my body to understand what I need to do.

I’d already decided that I was going to go for a run in the morning, but then the doubts started creeping in.  Is it going to hurt?  What if I can’t run very far?  What am I even doing?  Who am I kidding??  But then the voice of reason reminded me of that first run and I am all set.

This blogger is going for a run tomorrow morning.  I’m hoping that it will help dispel that empty/hollow feeling that’s been plaguing me.  Even if it doesn’t, I’m sure there will be other benefits to it.

Happy Saturday everyone!


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is “empty/hollow.” Use one, use both, entirely up to you. Enjoy!

  

One-Liner Wednesday – Dinner Time

I sent a text to my son that dinner was ready, and he came upstairs and we ate dinner.  About two hours later, I received a text from him and this is what followed:

Andru: K, I’ll be up in a minute.

Me: Dinner’s over?

Andru: Dinner isn’t over till we go to sleep.


This not so One-liner Wednesday is brought to us by Linda G. Hill.  Go check it out!  You won’t regret it.

The end of a saga, for now

I don’t know why I always feel the need to follow some sort of prompt.  I know in the beginning, it helped bring people to my site through the host, but I think I just ended up getting used to it.  I think it also became a not very helpful crutch, especially when I have something I want to just get out, but for some reason I feel like I can’t unless I can attach it to a prompt floating around out there.  Not that there aren’t plenty, and not that I couldn’t have found one today, but it’s late and I honestly just have something to say, you know?

When I had surgery in December of 2016, I watched a lot of TV.  It got to the point where I was starting to see reruns and I was getting very bored.  I ended up picking up a book that I had no idea would bring me all the way here.  The book I picked up was the first volume in George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire.  Do you realize that there are over 5,000 pages in the five books that are currently out?  I realized it pretty early on, but I had done something similar in the past and I just knew I could do this.

I had no idea it would take me a year and a half!  I couldn’t even pick up another book because I was so into that world (when I could actually find the time to read).  I actually did end up reading a fellow blogger’s book, but that only took me a single day, so it wasn’t much of an investment, although the story was great.

There’s just something about coming to the end of the book that feels almost surreal and forlorn.  When you make it to the end of five books in a series that isn’t even finished yet; it’s devastating.  Not only that, we have to wait until, I don’t know, 2019? before we get another one.

I do love the series and I’m planning to finish it, but I was on Goodreads after posting my successfully finished book, and I started reading some reviews.  I don’t know what it is about two or three star reviews that just suck you into the madness.  People can be downright cruel.  Also, why is it that reviewers feel the need to rewrite the book?  Anyway, for all of that, I did read some things that made me wonder if there was a reason it took me so damn long to finish.  The reviews for the last two books were all about how the story slowed down and didn’t progress very much.

I will admit that I had a really hard time finishing book five and I realized last night it was because I was bored!  I was so captivated by the story and so determined to finish those damn books that I didn’t even realize that the reason I had a hard time picking it up each day, or each week was because it wasn’t holding my interest.

However, the last fifty pages were reminiscent of the first three books, so I’m holding out hope that the next book will move along in a more direct way than books four and five.

I’m not so good at reviews, but I just wanted to throw it out there.  I finished all five books and I can now look for other things to read.

Until next time, my friend!

Song Lyric Sunday – Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

This song has nothing to do with Mother’s Day, but it pretty accurately represents how I felt for many years in a very abusive relationship.  When I first heard this song, I ugly cried.  I still cry when I listen to it.  There’s just something about the lyrics that I’m drawn to.  As much as it is about the abuse, there is also that element of growing strong and finding that you no longer believe the lies you were told so many times.

I think that’s one of the hardest parts about abuse.  As much as you tell yourself what they’re saying isn’t true, you hear it often enough and you start to believe it.  I honestly didn’t realize how much of those lies were embedded deep within me, tearing me apart bit by bit.  It’s hard to look back on that time of my life, but I’m so happy I found a way out.

Christina Perri’s voice only adds to the sincerity, grief and ultimate strength in my opinion.

So, if I were you, I’d grab some kleenex and dive in.  I hope you enjoy.

I know I can’t take one more step towards you
‘Cause all that’s waiting is regret
Don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time
Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?
I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I’ve learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time
Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?
It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
‘Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back
Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
Tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Songwriters: Drew C. Lawrence / Christina Judith Perri / Barrett Noubar Yeretsian
Jar of Hearts lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., BMG Rights Management US, LLC

The Song Lyric Sunday theme for this week was “heart”.  Please feel free to click the link, read the rules and post one of your own.

IMG_1345