The lack of creative ideas, spinning wheels and help in unlikely places

So, I saw the daily prompt this morning and was inspired, but honestly, as inspired as I was, not a whole lot of ideas surfaced.  I suppose my muse thinks it’s funny to get me excited about a word and then not help at all with creating something I can actually use on the blog.

Work was insane, as usual, so I didn’t have much time to put something together other than the word itself drifting across my thoughts every once in a while.  So, by the time I made it home, I was ready.  I even came down to the computer and wrote a few things in a Word document, thinking that would inspire something, but no.  I had nothing.

My computer sits right outside my son’s room, and he came out to get some chips (his normal after-dinner snack) and when he walked by my computer he stopped to read the screen.

I said, “Don’t read it.  It’s just the start of something, but it’s awful.”

“What is it”, he asked?  “A poem?”

“Well, it’s going to be, but I’m still working on it.”

“Was there a prompt?

“Yes, it’s ‘wheel'”.

He looked dumbfounded and asked, “Wheel?”  As if that would change the word…  As if I hadn’t been asking myself that exact same thing for the last hour while staring at a near blank screen.  But, all the sudden his eyes got really big and excited and he blurted out, “I know! Wheel of Fortune!”

We both started laughing but I told him to get lost because he was ruining my creative process!  However, just as he closed his door, I realized that without even trying, he actually provided me with the fodder I needed to just start writing.

It’s not a poem, but honestly, I wasn’t even close to an idea, so I’m figuring this is much better.

I only have my boys every other week for a whole week and it’s nights like these that make me miss them even more when they’re not here.

 


In response to The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt – Wheel

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Sunday Photo Fiction – Wrong


© Eric Wicklund

am i bad?

It’s the mantra that plays over and over again in my head, but it isn’t long before it turns into something else.

i am bad!

The realization happens slowly and roots itself deep in my gut.  Everything validates the truth – I like it, even though I know it’s wrong; he loves me; I would do anything for him so why not this?

I saw him once with Jane.  It makes me sad, but not in a “this is wrong” sort of way.  It’s more a jealous sort of way.  Am I not enough?  What do I need to do to keep him?  It makes me try desperately harder to do the things he asks of me even though I know it’s wrong.

i am bad!

He decides to come clean first because he’s better than me.  I would have kept his secret forever.

i am bad!

Mama asks me if it’s true – “Is he hurting you?”  She asks as though it’s an easy question to answer.

Does it hurt?

No.

i am bad!

So I keep silent, but everyone knows the truth and i am bad! changes to i’m so ashamed.


The rules for Sunday Photo Fiction are to create a story/poem or something using around 200 words with the photo as a guide, although it doesn’t have to be center stage.  This dark tale comes in at 196 words.

Click the blue froggy link to read other amazing stories!

Happy Sunday!

Song Lyric Sunday – Whisper by A Fine Frenzy

One Cell in the Sea was one of my favorite albums at a time in my life when everything was changing and I was breaking out of an abusive relationship.  When I listen to the songs from the album today, they still give me so much hope.

When I listened to this song again today, it so accurately described how I’ve been feeling lately.  It’s been a rough year and I’ve really felt like I was losing myself in many ways.  But, I believe there is always hope, and if you can just hold on, you may find that everything will look differently given some time.  “If you stay real close, I will reach you.”

I also love how poetic the lyrics to this song are.

I hope you enjoy!

Running the race
Like a mouse in a cage
Getting nowhere but I’m trying
Forging ahead
But I’m stuck in the bed
That I made so I’m lying

But if you keep real close
Yeah, you stay real close
I will reach you

I’m down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me still

Eager to please
Trying to be what they need
But I’m so very tired
I’ve stopped trying to find
Any peace in my mind
Because it tangles the wires

But if you keep real close
Yeah, you stay real close
I will reach you

I’m down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me
Can you hear me still

The sound tires on my lips
To fade away into forgetting

I’m down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me
Can you hear me

I’m down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me
Can you hear me still

Written by Lukas Mcguire Burton, Alison Sudol • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group, Reservoir Media Management Inc

The Song Lyric Sunday theme for this week was to post a song with a word that describes a sound in the title or lyrics.  Please feel free to click the link, read the rules and post one of your own.

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Song Lyric Sunday Theme for 6/25/17

So, I didn’t quite make it to listening to the Song Lyric posts that I’ve missed, but I promise that I will get to them.  I’ve had a hard time keeping my head up, and rather than focusing on and doing the things I love, I’ve been stuck in depression and not really doing anything.  I’m feeling a shift today, though, and I’m ready to get back to living my life rather than just surviving the catastrophes.

When I originally thought of the theme for today, I was going in a slightly different direction, but I honestly didn’t want to focus on violence or crime (which will make more sense when you read the theme).  So, instead, I took a slight right turn and found a theme that I’m rather excited about.

Our theme for Song Lyric Sunday this week is to post a song with a word that describes a sound in the title or lyrics.  

As always, you can go your own way and post a song that has nothing to do with the prompt.  We’re all here sharing our love of music and lyrics, and most of all, having a great time!

If you would like to suggest a theme, I am open to suggestions.   Please either pop it in the comments or send me an email at helenvahdati@yahoo.com.

Here are the “rules”:

  • Post the lyrics to the song of your choice, whether it fits the theme or not
  • Please try to include the songwriter(s) – it’s a good idea to give credit where credit is due and it’s honestly just a simple Google search
  • Make sure you also credit the singer/band and provide a link to where you found the lyrics
  • Link to the YouTube video, or pull it into your post so others can listen to the song
  • Ping back to this post or my own Song Lyric Sunday post
  • Read at least one other person’s blog so we can all share new and fantastic music and create amazing new blogging friends in the process

Feel free to use the Song Lyric Sunday badge by copying it into your post or add it to your site to show you are participating.

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SoCS – Sunshine in the midst of rain

I’ve been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately.  Oh, there’s been moments of light where I realize things are going pretty well, but for the most part, my brain spends many, many hours a day drenched in negativity.  It was actually a breath of fresh air to wake up to Facebook this morning and its sometimes annoying “memory” of the day.

Today, it gave me a post of my “Spring Memories”.  It was heart-warming to see the photos because my Spring memories are full of hospitals, pain, pain meds and healing.  Not to mention the nasty thoughts that swirl around my brain, creating an alternate reality.

It’s sometimes hard to remember that I GOT MARRIED!  I also went on the best hike with my boys on Mother’s day.  It was one of the more perfect Mother’s days I can remember, to be honest.  Then there was the fact that my husband survived heart surgery…!

We are trying to look at the whole thing as a positive because, you know, he’s still here.  But sometimes it’s so easy to only focus on the two weeks in the hospital, the terror of wondering if I would ever see him alive again and the freshly healing scars.  It’s hard to see the sunshine when it seems that the rain is pouring down and the clouds are darkening every day and there doesn’t seem to be a break in sight.

The reality is that the clouds dissipated for days at a time, and there was so much sunshine.  I’m just wondering when my brain is going to catch up…

I suppose I should remember that I’m not a slave to my thoughts.  It’s not like my brain has some demon entity in there controlling my thoughts and making me miserable all day, every day, even though it seems like it.  The logical part of me remembers that depression doesn’t define who I am, but the emotional part of me wonders if I’m strong enough to hold the demon at bay.

Anyway, this is just another reminder today that life is worth living and there are moments of joy even in the midst of the worst times.

It’s my goal to return to the things that make the depression easier to bear – writing and exercising.  Although, the exercise may have to wait another month or so because my 40-year old body just doesn’t heal as quickly from surgery as it used to and two surgeries for me in less than six months just about did me in.

Happy Saturday everyone!


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is “rain/rein/reign”.

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Song Lyric Sunday – Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer

I’ve posted a few John Mayer songs, but I’m not going to apologize.  He always seems to say the things that need to be said and I love the bluesy way in which he puts those words to music.  I don’t know, I pretty much think he’s brilliant.

You all might think this is an odd choice for today’s “celebration”, but it was the first song I thought of when I posted the theme.  It is also a pretty apt song to explain my relationship with my Dad.  He’s always been this enigma in my life – the person I always wanted to be close to but could never quite get there.  We’ve been slow dancing in a burning room for quite some time now and I honestly don’t think we’ll ever really get to that point that I’ve always dreamed of.

I love him, but I’m starting to realize I truly love the “idea” of him rather than who he actually is.  I don’t think I’ll ever be enough and he certainly has proven that he’ll never be that light in my life that I’ve always craved and needed.  It’s a sad, startling realization, but sometimes it’s better to face the truth rather than being hurt over and over again.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the song!

It’s not a silly little moment
It’s not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dyin’ breath of
This love we’ve been workin’ on
Can’t seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms
Nobody’s gonna come and save you
We pulled too many false alarms
We’re goin’ down
And you can see it too
We’re goin’ down
And you know that we’re doomed
My dear
We’re slow dancing in a burnin’ room
I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
How dare you say it’s nothing to me
Baby, you’re the only light I ever saw
I’ll make the most of all the sadness
You’ll be a bitch because you can
You try to hit me, just hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
‘Cause you can’t understand
We’re goin’ down
And you can see it too
We’re goin’ down
And you know that we’re doomed
My dear
We’re slow dancing in a burnin’ room
Go cry about it, why don’t you
Go cry about it, why don’t you
Go cry about it, why don’t you
My dear, we’re slow dancin’ in a burnin’ room
Burnin’ room, burnin’ room
Don’t you think we outta know by now?
Don’t you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don’t you think we outta know by now?
Don’t you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don’t you think we outta know by now?
Don’t you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Songwriters: John Clayton Mayer
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Reach Music Publishing

The Song Lyric Sunday theme for this week was to post a song about dance/dancing.  Please feel free to click the link, read the rules and post one of your own.

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Song Lyric Sunday Theme for 6/18/17

I’m on my way out of town for the weekend, but I still wanted to give you all a direction for Song Lyric Sunday.  Just to let you know, this is my last weekend slacking off.  I’m going to get back in the swing of things as soon as I’m back on Sunday, which means listening to and commenting on all the posts I’ve missed in the past few weeks.  I think I’ve only actually missed two weeks, which is pretty good considering everything that’s been going on, but I promise I will get caught up.

Anyway, as is my usual routine, I just realized that we have a holiday on Sunday here in the US, but I’d already thought of a different theme for the week.  If you want to pick a song about Dad’s, feel free, but I think it would be even better to choose one that maybe fits the theme and the day’s celebrations.

I love how certain words can mean multiple things.  I also love how one art-form sometimes references another.  I love art in all it’s forms, so we are going to celebrate music this week, as usual, but we are also going to celebrate another art form.

So, the Song Lyric Sunday theme for this week is to  post a song about dance/dancing, or a song that has the word in the title or lyrics.

As always, you can go your own way and post a song that has nothing to do with the prompt.  We’re all here sharing our love of music and lyrics, and most of all, having a great time!

If you would like to suggest a theme, I am open to suggestions.   Please either pop it in the comments or send me an email at helenvahdati@yahoo.com.

Here are the “rules”:

  • Post the lyrics to the song of your choice, whether it fits the theme or not
  • Please try to include the songwriter(s) – it’s a good idea to give credit where credit is due and it’s honestly just a simple Google search
  • Make sure you also credit the singer/band and provide a link to where you found the lyrics
  • Link to the YouTube video, or pull it into your post so others can listen to the song
  • Ping back to this post or my own Song Lyric Sunday post
  • Read at least one other person’s blog so we can all share new and fantastic music and create amazing new blogging friends in the process

Feel free to use the Song Lyric Sunday badge by copying it into your post or add it to your site to show you are participating.

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