I’m not even going to lie, living with depression is hard. I don’t know why there are times I think it’s better, like all the sudden I was just miraculously cured in my sleep. I suppose those are the highs and I’m learning to appreciate them and enjoy them when they are here.
I had a pretty rough day yesterday, and I told my fiance that everything would be better tomorrow. I’m not sure why I ever have that expectation, because many times I’m disappointed. I woke up this morning feeling even heavier than yesterday, and not only that, I have a headache as well. So much for a better day.
I was prepared to just wallow in my depression… not do anything, try to lay low and not talk to anyone… but the only thing that seems to do is enhance the darkness and the loneliness.
Besides, I started thinking about my loved ones. My depression tells me that they are better off without me, that I would only make things worse if I was around them. But when I’m able to see through the dense fog, I can see their concern. I can see that they don’t know what to do. I wish I had an answer for them, because usually anything that makes it better comes from inside me.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop hoping and maybe even expecting better days tomorrow. Sometimes that is the only statement that gets me through, “Everything will be better tomorrow; today is just a bad day.” I guess if I wake up tomorrow and things are just as bad, or even worse, I will just continue my mantra because the worst thing I can do is latch onto the dark thoughts swimming in my head.
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