SoCS – The Expectation of Brighter Days

I’m not even going to lie, living with depression is hard.  I don’t know why there are times I think it’s better, like all the sudden I was just miraculously cured in my sleep.  I suppose those are the highs and I’m learning to appreciate them and enjoy them when they are here.

I had a pretty rough day yesterday, and I told my fiance that everything would be better tomorrow.  I’m not sure why I ever have that expectation, because many times I’m disappointed.  I woke up this morning feeling even heavier than yesterday, and not only that, I have a headache as well.  So much for a better day.

I was prepared to just wallow in my depression… not do anything, try to lay low and not talk to anyone… but the only thing that seems to do is enhance the darkness and the loneliness.

Besides, I started thinking about my loved ones.  My depression tells me that they are better off without me, that I would only make things worse if I was around them.  But when I’m able to see through the dense fog, I can see their concern.  I can see that they don’t know what to do.  I wish I had an answer for them, because usually anything that makes it better comes from inside me.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop hoping and maybe even expecting better days tomorrow.  Sometimes that is the only statement that gets me through, “Everything will be better tomorrow; today is just a bad day.”  I guess if I wake up tomorrow and things are just as bad, or even worse, I will just continue my mantra because the worst thing I can do is latch onto the dark thoughts swimming in my head.


Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G. Hill. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “ex.” Find a word that includes “ex” and base your post on it. Have fun! Feel free to click the link and join us in our stream of consciousness writing.

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16 thoughts on “SoCS – The Expectation of Brighter Days

  1. It is difficult. I struggle with depression too (heavily medicated). It is incredibly hard. The whole expectations of things being better only to go flat is something I relate to. In a way I wonder if I’m irrational for maintaining the slightest bit of hope.

    At times I wish I just never existed at all. More times than not I fantasize of dying. I just don’t know what to do or what the right course of action is, you know?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I completely understand. I told my fiancé I just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. The down times are hard, but there are so many up times and they are so good, that I can’t give up hope. Besides, that would be like giving in to the darkness, and I just can’t do that.

      I know everyone’s journey is different, but I believe there’s hope for everyone. Hang in there. Things will get better! ❤️

      Like

  2. My daughter suffers from depression and anxiety, and I know for sure that I would NOT be better off without her. It would devastate me if I lost her. I would rather have the good moments and hope for the future. Your post reminds me of what I’ve heard about the Pacific Northwest, a place I want to visit for the trees. They say the PNW doesn’t get much sunshine and the sky is often cloudy and misty. But the sky does clear and the sun always comes back out eventually. I hope and pray for you to have more better days and more good moments within the not good days.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You probably here this a lot: “you’re not alone.” But that is true. You never know who you’re going to reach by writing about your experience. I was right there with you in the darkness. It started Thursday, then went all through Friday. Today, a little better with my kids, but I have no motivation. I’m glad you have the strength to make something of your days, and people around you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We need you sweet girl. You are such a precious soul. Never give up fighting this depression. All I can say is to pray to your higher power for strength. Love you sweet girl!!

    Liked by 1 person

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