Do you ever feel like your body has betrayed you? I’m feeling that way a lot lately… but even as I think that thought, I realize I’m whining when there are people who have serious medical issues that keep them from doing things they love or living the kind of life they would have wanted. If I put it in that context, I really don’t have any excuses.
I finally realized just a few minutes ago that the reason I’ve gained so much weight in the past two years is probably because I built up a ton of muscle and then just stopped exercising. Muscle turns to fat, or at least, I believe it does. I’ve stopped a pretty hefty exercise routine twice now and both times, I gained weight. I think my body is just sick of my waffling… I know I am.
April 23rd was the last day I ran and I did a 5K with my son. However, my hip hurt so bad by the time I finished, that I actually limped across the finish line. I decided it wasn’t worth it if I was going to be in constant pain. So, I got depressed and quit doing all exercise. I saw a doctor, who referred me to physical therapy. (Between you and me, I only went once and cancelled my second appointment. It hurt!)
I’ve been through the most extreme ups and downs in the past month. I’m not happy. I’m gaining weight and I feel like there’s no way out because all the things I love to do are things that hurt my hip.
Saturday, I decided I had to make a change for my own sanity. I’m not going to jump into any kind of heavy lifting or running/walking. I’ve decided to take it slow. My goals this week are to take the stairs at work, walk for a half hour at lunch and eat smaller portions with every meal. I know that sounds really small, and maybe I’m fooling myself; but I have to start somewhere. I have to know that I’m taking steps toward a healthier me.
I think I’ve decided running isn’t something my body wants to do, but that could change. Right now, I’m just going to take it a day at a time and see where it takes me. I think the one thing I am realizing is that maybe I will just have to deal with pain (unless, of course, I pull my head out and decide to finish physical therapy…)
I stepped on the scale today, just so I could gauge any progress I might have in the weeks to come, and it was humbling. I knew it, but seeing the reality in those three numbers was depressing.
I know this was more of a “getting my butt in gear” post, rather than an inspiring one, but I think it helped me to write it down. So, thanks for “listening”. I hope your mindful living is going well!