Sleep is one of those things I take for granted much of the time until I find myself facing a day after a night with very little of it. I’m always shocked at how different my body feels. The only way I can describe it is out of control.
And the other strange thing is it isn’t just my body. It’s also my brain and my emotions. I’ve found that sleep, or lack of it, affects everything.
I think the reason I was hyper-aware today was because I wanted to make sure I didn’t break down at work or do something really stupid (like almost fall asleep while driving to work this morning).
Here is a pretty small list of things I experienced today:
- My eyes were gritty and seemed to see the world in a different sort of light – almost like everything was slightly yellow around the edges
- I felt like I was surrounded by fog
- I found myself staring at something and losing myself in it, not being able to look away
- There were times when I felt a breath, an almost yawn, rise up from my stomach and by the time it reached my throat, it felt like I was going to cry
- Thoughts came slower than normal
I can’t imagine what happens to those of you out there who suffer from insomnia. I had one night where I slept maybe two hours, but my fiance is going on three nights with maybe five hours total in those three days.
I know some people can’t control their sleep patterns, but for those of us who can, I can tell you that it’s important. It’s important when you are on a mindful path. It’s important when you suffer from depression because, for me at least, lack of sleep heightens my depression. It’s that totally out-of-control feeling that I dislike feeling, only it’s almost worse when you add in sleep deprivation.
I’m looking forward to my bed and a long night of sleep; although, somehow I’m scared that I want to sleep so badly that I’m going to find myself staring at the clock every hour and counting down the total amount I’m going to get as it grows later and later. Here’s hoping that doesn’t happen.
Happy sleeping everyone!