I feel like I’ve always had a really strong intuition; the problem is, life has taught me to ignore it. I suppose that sounds a bit like I’m not taking responsibility for my own actions, and maybe I’m not.
However, this could be something I can turn around and eventually unlearn all the things that bad experiences have taught me.
That’s probably why I’m writing this post – so I can work it out in my head and maybe come up with a plan. But that sounds boring (even to me) to read, so I think I’ll just forego the planning stage and talk about the “wondering” stage.
I was at work today and received an IM from my boss. She said she thought I needed to trust my intuition more; which I completely agree with. I don’t know how many times I questioned something at work but didn’t say anything and later found out I was correct. I even tell my boss (after the fact) when I noticed things that needed to be fixed or changed, but I can’t really offer a reason why I didn’t say anything. At this point, I can only imagine she must think I am the most timid person in the world; which I’m not.
I think the biggest part of it is fear of failure. Just yesterday, I made an assumption about something that my boss later told me I was completely wrong about. So, where was my intuition then? I’d like to say I was sick and not thinking straight, but I really have no excuse for that particular mistake.
Outside of work I have the same things happen, but it’s more in how I feel about things. I had to take my son somewhere and found out his Dad would be there. I had no reason to not want to go, but I really didn’t want to do it. I thought my dread came from the fact that it was a baseball clinic in a gym on a Friday night. Who wants to sit through that? Well, maybe some people do, but I was bored just thinking about it. But my feeling wasn’t about being bored. It was a different type of feeling.
As you might expect, the night didn’t go very well and I ended up in tears.
Was my intuition telling me to be wary, to be aware and protective? Perhaps, but why the hell is it always so confusing? I think I’d hear it much better if it was more clear in its warnings and not just a weird lump of dread sitting in my belly for indiscernible reasons.
Or, was I just setting myself up for the situation that occurred? You know the whole “what you think you create”?
Where’s the line and how do you know the difference?
I suppose the only thing we can do is exactly what I’ve mentioned – be aware; be present; listen and assess. I’m assuming that old intuition can’t always be right, can it?