Last week was my first week of feeling positive about my new plan, but life always has something it throws at you doesn’t it? I started getting sick on Tuesday but I went to the gym anyway – I basically said my stomach hurts, not my legs. On Wednesday, it was a bit worse so I took the day off (I can be flexible). Thursday I followed the plan and was feeling better. I even went for my longest run in over a year and a half on Saturday.
Saturday night is a different story all together. What is it about being sick that makes mindfulness sort of fly out the window? I’m not sure that’s necessarily fair, but I am the first to admit that I don’t think very clearly when I’m sick. The only thing I can hope for is to either ignore the terrible thoughts that go through my head when I’m sick or try and remember that what I’m thinking doesn’t define me. The illness doesn’t define me.
It only feels like it defined the past two days of my life.
Being mindful when I’m sick is about letting myself be without attaching to all the thoughts that bring me down.
I should be helping around the house.
What about my kids?
I need to make breakfast…
I don’t know why it’s hard for me to let go, but sometimes (who am I kidding, so many times) it is. I felt guilty for staying in bed all day yesterday and letting my family fend for themselves. However, in the past, I would have let it take me down into an even darker depression and this time it didn’t. I focused more on the fact that everyone was fine. Everyone ate three meals yesterday and my fiance was at the heart of it. He did all of it on probably less sleep than I had because in between being sick, I slept, but I know he didn’t.
I believe when we find ourselves in the depths of depression, we don’t see things clearly. We definitely don’t see help when it is offered, at least I haven’t in the past. I’m grateful I was able to see it yesterday and accept it.
I’m feeling better today and am looking forward to getting back to life. As much as I felt like I needed a rest, I would much rather rest on my terms, and definitely without a stomach ache and everything that goes with it!
This post is part of Mindful Monday hosted by Colleen at Silver Threading.