I’ve been contemplating relationships a lot lately. And I really mean any kind of relationship – parents, siblings, lovers, coworkers…
I grew up with a lot of trauma and found myself visiting therapists at a pretty young age. I’m not against therapy. I think it can be good, but only if you find that person you can trust and who truly has your interest at heart and not their own or their paycheck. I’ve had amazing therapists and then I’ve had therapists who took advantage and caused more damage than what I originally went to them for.
I mention therapy because in therapy you are taught to talk. To get it out. To explore.
Sometimes I think this isn’t completely correct or entirely necessary because when it’s all said and done, the only person you can change or control is yourself. You can rant about someone else’s behavior. You can talk about how much they hurt you and how you wish they had done things differently. But really, it just feels like stirring the pot. Stirring up anger and, I don’t know, a tempest that can blow and scream, but really, what we really need to do is ride the storm?
I’m not sure that works either.
I suppose what I’m saying is that when you go into a “talk-out session” expecting the other person to agree with you or automatically see your side and lay down an apology, you will lose every time.
I sat in a room with a co-worker this week and instead of taking accountability for things we all knew she was doing, including her, she asked us to show her proof. “Can you prove that I did those things?” She also said, “Have you seen it with your own eyes?” Well, yeah, I had, but really all she was doing was deflecting her own shit back to me and instead of answering I said, “Whatever game this is, I don’t want to play.”
The sad fact is that I watched her clean her desk out yesterday and walk out of the building with HR (all on my last day of work, lucky for me). Do I want someone to get fired? No. Do I feel bad for stirring that particular tempest? I do, but I also know that there are times when something needs to be said. Do I think the therapy session needed to happen, where we all talk “openly” about what was going on? No. Because it didn’t do anyone any good. She didn’t apologize and we all felt worse afterwards.
Why, you ask, am I using my blog as a sounding board for all this? I don’t know and I apologize because this is supposed to be light-hearted and fun. I suppose it just needed to come out.
The one thing therapy taught me was to talk things out. The one thing I feel I’m lacking is the ability to let it go. To realize that not everyone thinks the way I do. Not everyone is going to see something the same way I do and what good does it do to hash things back and forth, the other person set in their view and me in mine. I honestly think it just raises tempers and causes more hurt and anger and pain.
But letting go is the hardest thing to do. Especially when the person involved is someone you love; someone you want to see things your way; someone you want to understand you.
I’ve come to realize that it isn’t always necessary. What I need to ask is how I can do things differently next time. Tell the other person how I feel then walk away and continue on with life.
So, this is me walking away.
Everything is right in my world and there is a lovely day going on outside that I can see shining on the very green plant that I have managed to water just enough that it is still alive, and if I didn’t know better, thriving.
Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G. Hill. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “temp.” Use a word with “temp” anywhere in it – beginning, middle or end – or use it as a word all on its own. Enjoy!