Do you know how when you’re in the midst of a bad situation and you know it’s bad, but you don’t realize how truly terrible it is until you are on the other side of it? I’m just realizing that while I knew having a headache for about two months was bad, I didn’t realizing how much it affected everything until just a few days ago when suddenly the headache went away.
It got to the point that the first thing my co-workers would ask me in the morning was, “Do you still have a headache?” or “How’s your head?” Many times, I would think it was gone, but it was just lingering around the edges.
I’m not sure anyone who doesn’t suffer from headaches can quite understand, but I had some pretty poetic moments trying to describe the stages of my headache. There were the full blown headaches when it hurt all the way down the back of my head and into my shoulders and it took everything I had just to lift my head. There were the times when I could feel it, like the inside of my head was a bubble and the headache was pressing around the bubble, so it didn’t hurt necessarily, but it was still there.
And then there was the light. There was one afternoon when I was walking out of work heading towards the train, and everything looked different. The light was a little yellow around the edges and I could have sworn I had stepped out of now and into the 1970’s. Or at least, a 1970’s film where the light isn’t quite right.
I feel like I’ve woken up from a nightmare and everything looks fresh and new and you thank whatever god you believe in that the light looks normal. Everything is clear around the edges and the pressure has lifted.
Do you know what it took? A new job. And not even starting a new job. Just knowing I only have four days left in my current job was enough. The sad reality is that I almost convinced myself to stay, that it wasn’t really the stress of my job or the fact that I don’t really like what I’m doing. I don’t know what I was trying to convince myself of, necessarily, but it almost worked and I almost didn’t pursue this current job opportunity.
And then there are those who decided my headache was good for a few laughs and they made light of my situation. Before I was offered the new job, I was in a pretty heated meeting with my manager and supervisor talking about the need to change my role and consistently getting push-back from everyone else. When I had walked into work that morning, the headache was at a lull. Not truly gone, but not enough to take anything to help it either. While we were sitting there, after hashing out some intense details, my manager turned to me and said, “How’s the headache now?”
It was one of those situations where… well, you know how it’s okay to laugh something off, but when someone sort of pokes fun at your expense or makes light of something that is really bothering you and you sort of snap? I didn’t snap, but I could have.
All I can say is I am grateful for the light and the opportunity to, once again, see it clearly and not through the haze of a headache.
Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G. Hill. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “light.” Make use of it any way you like. Have fun!