I feel like when people say “it is what it is” they aren’t necessarily saying it out of that Zen practice of really letting go and accepting it, but more out of desperation; like what they’re really saying is “fuck it” and throwing something against a wall or hitting a pillow or falling in a corner and crying. But honestly, how do you accept something that just plain sucks. Do you really accept it, or do you just live with it because you have to?
Is there a difference?
I can’t claim to understand Zen all that much. I like the ideas of it; I honestly base my spiritual practice on Zen-type teachings, but it isn’t always easy and it isn’t always something I feel I do well. Maybe that’s what it’s all about and that’s why I have a hard time. I want the destination, the final outcome, but most of this type of spirituality is based on the journey.
I can tell you, though, that every time I take the time to really look at whatever it is that hurts me and break it down, I realize that it isn’t all that bad. Life is an ebb and flow, I’ve realized. Sometimes you will feel like paradise is all around you and you can’t understand how you can be so happy. Other times, it feels like the darkness is closing in and you can’t see any light anywhere.
One thing that I love to think about is the ocean. I think Eckhart Tolle talks about it, but I’m sure it is part of many such teachings – the idea that when you ride the waves of life, you are stuck in the ups and downs and the crashing onto the shore; or, when the ocean is calm, you enjoy the peace and tranquility of lapping waves. However, when you can fall deeply into the ocean and find that inner peace, you are no longer a victim of the ocean waves and whatever turbulence is causing them to pulse and crash and/or bounce calmly along.
I had a medical procedure on Tuesday that I thought would be an in and out type of thing and by the next day I would be fine. Truth be told, I went to work on Wednesday and I felt fine. I didn’t feel normal, per se, but I made it through work and got home; I functioned. By Thursday, I realized that I didn’t feel all that well and all the drugs I had taken for the pain had finally faded out of my system, but they left depression in their wake, as they usually do with me. I ended up leaving work early because I just couldn’t deal with anything emotionally and I was starting to feel the, not necessarily pain, but just the fact that something had been done to my body.
I was definitely riding the waves this week and everything affected my emotional state. I can’t honestly say, though, that it will be different next time. It’s hard to realize when outside forces are taking a toll on you internally. I think the most we can do is recognize it and be kind to ourselves through the process. In my case, I need to realize that it isn’t always about perfection (whatever that illusory thing actually is). Sometimes, I won’t be at my best and that’s perfectly okay. It also doesn’t mean I’m going to lose my loved ones. I don’t know why that is a fear I live with – that somehow everyone in my life will just stop loving me because I had a bad day – but it is.
I always know I’m done with a thought when I just simply run out of things to write about, even when I know it isn’t finished and I should say something to bring it all to an end. I suppose that’s another great thing about SoCS.
I hope you all have a blessed day. Be well.
Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G. Hill. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “is” Use the word “is” to begin your post – bonus points for using it (as a word on its own or at the end of your final word, i.e. “metamorphosis”) at the end of your post as well. Have fun!” Feel free to click the link and join us.