I have a bone to pick with myself and unfortunately for you, I’ve decided to do it here on my blog. Besides, once an idea hatches from a prompt, it’s difficult for me to try and find something else and usually leads to staring at a blank screen fighting with words.
I just looked up the origin of “a bone to pick” and it’s said the origin is around the 1600s in England and it has to do with two dogs fighting over a bone, or a dog picking a bone clean. I think it fits very well, even if I’m not fighting with someone else. It’s an internal battle that rages on and I’m having a hard time breaking free. At times, I wonder when the bone will ever be picked clean, but I think it’s one that continues to feed itself so there is no end.
I’m sure that all sounds pretty melodramatic, and I suppose I am at this point. The worst part is that I realize I am the only person who can decide to change. I am the only person who will set myself free, but it seems that there is always a reason to continue down this path I’ve found myself traveling.
I’ve blamed it mostly on my job. I’m more stressed than I used to be. I work harder than I used to. My hours are different. And I suppose those are all valid arguments for a time. But the two things that would probably help me the most are the two things that I’ve let slip over the past months.
I’ve completely stopped exercising which has led to an uncomfortable addition to certain parts of my body that makes it difficult to fit into my clothes. To make matters worse, I decided at the beginning of June that I needed a tiny break from blogging just to recharge since I had blogged every day for two months. The “tiny” break has turned into almost a full month and I’m missing my creative outlet and all the lovely folks I connect with through my blog.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve set my alarm to exercise in the morning and simply turned it off and went back to sleep. I can’t tell you how many different ideas I’ve had for blogging that I’ve simply let slip between my fingers. And the worst reason that I could have ever thought of to stop doing the two things that make me immeasurably happy is “the day job” that does hardly anything to fulfill me and only seems to make me unhappy of late.
When you read this, I will be hiking with my boyfriend and my son. I’m hoping this will be the kick-start I need to get my ass off the couch and back outside running or doing yoga. I need it. I need to do things that give me an outlet; otherwise, I feel like I will waste away into a deep black oblivion where all I see is work stress and all I feel is hopeless.
No more picking at bones that spin in spirals and have no end. It’s time to start again. Right now!
I appreciate all your patience, especially if you made it through this drivel. I think I needed the release and I’m feeling better. 🙂
I would love to hear how you’ve pulled yourself out of depressing slumps. You probably won’t give me any more insight than I’ve already had, but maybe it will make us both feel better – you in the venting and me for feeling not so alone.
Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda G. Hill. Today’s prompt was “bone.” Feel free to click on the link and join in. Perhaps others will have more upbeat things to share.