I’m going to confess something here on my blog, but even as I’m writing that, I’m wondering if I’ve mentioned it before, in which case, this isn’t the mind-blowing confession I was thinking it would be, but rather a reminder, although it’s not the type of thing you would normally remind someone of: Hey, I just wanted to remind you that I’ve been married three times. Yeah, it doesn’t sound good at all when I say it like that.
So, my confession…
I’ve been married three times and after the third one was reduced to words on paper that was somehow supposed to help us define our parenting roles going forward, I told myself it would never happen again. It’s not worth it. It’s just a piece of paper. What’s the big deal, anyway? Why not just be free to share space with another person without a piece of paper and the headache and all the negative things that can happen in a marriage.
Just to be devil’s advocate for a moment and take the opposite approach, all those things can happen and do happen whether you’re married or not. If you are living with someone, sharing space with someone and living your life with another person by your side, negative things happen whether you’ve signed a piece of paper, taken vows in front of others or your religious figure-head or whatever. It is hard to be in a relationship. It is hard to live your life with another person. It just is.
Now, maybe marriage adds another layer, but should it? What is it about marriage that adds an extra amount of responsibility or maybe even possession that people maybe think won’t be there when a marriage isn’t involved.
I don’t know. Now I’m going down a road I wasn’t expecting in this particular post. Let’s just say that maybe marriage isn’t everything everyone thinks it is and all the reasons you want to marry someone can be there whether you formally tie the knot or not. (See what I did there?)
It’s frustrating to have this debate with the very person you are trying to convince to actually take that next leap. Because as much as I said I would never get married again, I find myself in a position where I want to. But the hard part is, my boyfriend is in the same place I was when my last marriage ended. He doesn’t see the point either and for everything I say a marriage can do for us, he gives me a logical reason why we can still have that without the marriage.
Is it just the ceremony of it? Is it just a societal form we all cling to because it makes us feel less alone? Why do we get married? Take away life-long commitment (which can happen with or without a marriage) and what are you left with? Why do we get married?
I’m not sure I have an answer. It makes me somewhat crazy to think about. I want to share my life with this man and that’s happening. I wake up to his smiling face every morning and I fall asleep with his body heat pulsing next to me and I plan to keep doing this for the rest of my life. I’m in it for good. I’m committed. But for some reason, I still want to be married to him. I just do. Maybe there’s no good explanation. Maybe logic dictates that it’s completely unreasonable, but honestly, I don’t care. I just want to and damn it, I don’t want to have to explain the why of it.
This post is written for Stream of Consciousness Saturday hosted by Linda G. Hill. Our prompt today is “naught/knot/not”. Please feel free to click the link and join in the fun. You’ll love it, I promise!