Love Is In Da Blog – Fathers and Mothers

I had this brilliant idea today (if I do say so myself) about doing a father and mother post together since it’s a rather touchy subject for me and I tried and couldn’t write something up yesterday. I’ve decided that when all else fails, there is probably a song somewhere that can express what I want to say, sometimes even better than I can say it anyway.

I first want to say that I love both of my parents. My very first blog post was a poem I wrote for my mom on her birthday last year. You can check it out here if you are so inclined. I honestly believe that they raised me the best they knew how or were taught how by their parents, which leads me to what I wanted to touch on.

All my years of therapy taught me something that I’m sure others have learned as well. There is a cycle of abuse that happens in families and unfortunately is passed down from generation to generation. If I went really far back, I could probably find some descendant of my grandfather who beat the crap out of his sons and then they did it to theirs and so on down the line until we reach my generation. We might see that there are changes or approvals with each generation, but for the most part it is a cycle of abuse.

My father didn’t beat the crap out of me, but I was still raised in a pretty abusive household. One of my siblings brought up an incident once with him and his response was, “You think that’s bad, you should have seen what my dad did to me and your uncle.” As I said, it just makes me sad to even think about; but also, I’m grateful. Grateful that I can look at my own children and see that somehow I was able to stop a cycle that I could have very easily continued. I’m not saying I’ve been perfect; I’m sure Adelle will tell you that her brothers had it easy because the change happened somewhere in her early childhood; but I can say that I try every day to make my children’s lives better than the cycle of abuse I was brought up in.

One of my favorite songs is Daughters (I think it could be titled daughters or sons) by John Mayer. This song makes me cry every time I hear it, probably because the words touch me so deeply and personally. I believe it speaks to this cycle of abuse and has a simple answer – just be good to your kids. My motto is to always remember how I felt when I was their age and if I wouldn’t have liked it, it’s a pretty safe bet that they won’t, so I try and keep things in perspective.

It isn’t an easy cycle to break, but I believe we can break it if we are willing to do the work because it does take work. Anyway, that’s my two cents on mothers and fathers.

The lyrics are courtesy of AZlyrics.

“Daughters”

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It’s the same she’s been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she’s left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You’ll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too


This post is part of Love Is In Da Blog hosted by Bee. Her prompts for the last two days were mothers and fathers. Feel free to click the links and join in the love!

Love Is In Da Blog

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8 thoughts on “Love Is In Da Blog – Fathers and Mothers

  1. Thank you for being honest and sharing some incredible thoughts. The lyrics of the song are beautiful. It is too bad that abuse ever got started down the line. I am so glad that the abuse stopped with you. it has to be an individual thing and i commend you. Love you sweet girl!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks so much Helen for this post. You know my last therapist said to me: In the end it all depends on those survivors who break the cycle! It’s an incredible strong thing to do no matter what. I have no children of my own because I always thought I would not be able to raise them in a good way. I would either re-live abuse or I would so over-protect them that they never would have a chance. Even though I would love to have children with my now husband I never regretted this decision ( and yes I have tried to have children but it never worked out). I am so blessed with two wonderful step-children and I can give them all the love they deserve because I were able to break the cycle with the help of a lot of great people in my life. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It means a lot!

    Like

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