Why is it that when someone starts dating, everyone has an opinion about what is or isn’t the best thing to do; how you shouldn’t do this or that on the first date, or how you should wait an arbitrary amount of days, weeks, or months before determining anything of value in. There is also a waiting period for sex, because… I don’t know, just because. There’s a waiting period before you should say “I love you”… and the list goes on and on, but what is actually the best thing to do?
In my humble opinion, I think relationships are the best time to be opinionated about what is best for you and your lover and no one else should factor into that. Sure, it’s good to ask around, to get others’ opinions, but I don’t think what anyone else says should be the gospel you follow in your relationship.
If I’d listened to anyone, I wouldn’t have met my boyfriend to begin with. If I’d listened to everyone, I don’t think we would still be together today.
Do you know what I actually did? I was pretty damn selfish and I listened to that feeling inside that said this was good even when everyone around me was saying the opposite or warning me of arbitrary pain that hadn’t happened yet. I don’t know why I don’t listen to that voice more often, because if I truly looked back, that voice has been pretty damn accurate in my life but I have either not listened to it or I’ve completely ignored it.
I don’t know exactly what changed this time around except that I was tired of the game; I wanted a long-lasting, loving relationship and I made sure I was up front about what I was looking for. But, to be perfectly honest, I don’t feel like I tried that hard. This time around, it just worked and I knew almost immediately that it was exactly what I was looking for. Did I take a chance and jump right in even when everyone told me not to? Absolutely! Was it a miracle that it actually worked when it has failed so many times before? Probably! But I’m okay with that. It just adds to my rather naive belief that miracles really do happen!
As a side note, I’m also of the humble opinion that if you don’t take chances, you will never know. I would hate to spend my life wondering what if; that would almost be worse to me than coming up short sometimes. It might be more painful to begin with, but I believe it has long-lasting value once you find the one that’s right for you.
I managed to find the perfect quote to back up what I’m saying, just in case you had your doubts:
“The value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself.” – Carson McCullers