Everyone Heals Differently

I was watching Criminal Minds the other night and granted, it’s Criminal Minds so some of the subject matter is dark and rather hard to take sometimes; but this time was different. This time, there were scenes that took me back to a time in my life that I continually think I’ve moved on from, that I think I’ve healed from, but then a song or pictures from a movie or something else will take me back.

I nearly had a panic attack it was so strong. I really felt like I lost a sense of this reality and was back in that one but more in an emotional sense.

It makes me wonder if I will ever truly heal.

I suppose sometimes we think that “healing” means letting it go and moving on, never to think about it again or feel it again or see it again. But I think there are some things where this never happens. The most we can do is accept that it is a part of us and do our best to not attach to the memories when they surround us and fill up our waking moments and we drown in them for as long as they have us in their clutches.

Everyone heals at their own pace, even when speaking of physical ailments. I had my gall bladder out a little over a year ago and the doctor told me I could be back to work in three days or it could take two weeks; everyone is different. I’m not sure why we all have this expectation of emotional trauma that there is a time frame for healing. “Didn’t that happen 25 years ago and your still not over it?” “I’ve moved on, why haven’t you?” People almost take it personally that I’m having a harder time healing when in reality, I’m not sure if they’ve necessarily healed, they just have a better way of burying it somewhere and not looking at it or dealing with it. This could be very judgmental on my part. Maybe people really do move on that quickly and who am I to say they didn’t really move on, they just buried it.

I think about it a lot because my brother lost his son when he was eighteen months old and everyone around him had an expectation and we all wondered why it was taking so long for his grief to lessen. How horrible is that? And it’s not like it was coming from a place of trying to help him. I think it was coming more from a place of feeling uncomfortable around his grief. It’s not an easy thing to be around someone who is grieving so strongly. I can’t really empathize because I’ve never lost a child; but even if I could, how could that possibly help? It doesn’t. All we can do is accept their grief, but most people have a hard time doing that.

I think it’s the same with emotional trauma in that we never really heal but most people are uncomfortable around someone who is hurting all the time so we learn to hide it or bury it or we stop talking about it and turn it inward where we still battle it, but at least no one will judge us for it.

I suppose this is a really dark take on healing. It comes from me wondering why and if and honestly how can I possibly still hurt this much from something that happened so long ago. They say time heals all wounds, but I don’t believe it. Time just takes you farther away from the event so maybe it’s not in such clear focus anymore and maybe, just maybe it is a little more bearable. But I honestly believe that there are some things we just don’t heal from.

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday where we were prompted with heal/heel today by Linda G Hill. It is also part of Just Jot It January also hosted by the same lovely lady. Feel free to click the links and join in.

JJJ 2015

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19 thoughts on “Everyone Heals Differently

  1. I know exactly what you are talking about. I used to ask myself those questions and have those fears too, but I realized that the process can be painfully slow sometimes; especially when God wants you to learn the lessons.

    What is sure is that till you leave this earth, there will still be a little something that makes you look back…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If depression, anxiety, PTSD or any other mental health issue came with some kind of physical scar for the rest of the world to see….there would be a global resounding, “Ohhhhhhhhh I get it….”. It is a slow process this healing thing. Talking about it helps greatly and it is a shame that any “emotional failing” is still seen in such a negative light. So many people suffer. Thanks for your post!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is an excellent post Helen, I think you are right that there are some events in our lives we don’t recover from but rather they move further away from us through time. It is interesting I took a similar line in my post.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Like a physical injury, emotional wounds leave scars too. And, like the physical, one can be all healed but it still ache when it rains (literally and figuratively) or when tired… so it’s not gone forever, it’s not without its pain, but it’s done healing. That’s my take on it anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What a great post! I do agree, often we want the grief of others to abate so that we’re not uncomfortable. I’ve experienced that, much more when I was young, and never stopped to realize it until this post. People do handle things differently, emotionally and physically, and you’re right to call our attention to it. Recovery is such a necessary element in life, how could I have overlooked so much of what you’ve written here?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ll be the first to admit that I have a hard time talking to people who have lost a child. Why? Because I’ve come so close to losing mine and I don’t want to – can’t – imagine what they must be going through. It’s fear, plain and simple. And the scariest part about it is that it can happen to any parent, at any given time, as with all things that cause us to grieve. Pamela, above, asked why we can look at physical scars but not emotional ones. I believe it’s because we feel we have less control over the emotional ones. As you have witnessed in the reliving of them, not to mention what caused them in the first place.
    Healing from them is indeed hard if not impossible. I think what changes is not as much a healing process as a perspective. Some people can convince themselves that whatever happened to them doesn’t matter. Some never will. It’s the importance we put on the impact on our lives more than a lifting of it. Does that make sense?

    Liked by 1 person

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