Uptown Funk

In an effort to save a file, do you ever create a title with every intention of changing it once it’s complete? Yeah, that’s what happened in this case, except when it was finally done, the title actually fit the story so I decided to keep it. The story was written in response to Song Lyric Story Saturday hosted by the lovely Naomi Harvey. This was one of my favorite prompts that I stumbled upon last year and I’m so happy she’s bringing it back.

This week the prompt was “Don’t believe me just watch” and we could either use the lyrics or reference the song. I chose to reference the song and only implied the lyrics in my story.  This is also written as part of JustJotIt January where my goal is one post a day in January. If you’re interested in joining, feel free to click the link and get started.

The story ended up a little longer than I was planning at 1465 words. Please enjoy! (Quick note… there is some language in this one, so if you don’t like that sort of thing, you know the drill.)

Uptown Funk

Alexandria looked down at her phone and sighed at the screen, the text she had just received from Elle taunting her. She decided to forgo an hour of texting and hit the phone button to call her friend.

“Xandi! You’re coming, right?” Her friend picked up on the first ring and launched into what Alexandria had hoped to avoid.

“Elle, be real. You know how I feel about clubs.”

“It’s girls night and you haven’t been out with us in ages. We’re going to a new place. I heard it’s pretty chill. Just your style.”

“A club? Chill?”

“Don’t make me come to your house and drag you out with us. You know I will…”

Elle’s voice had taken on an air of finality that made up Alexandria’s mind.

“Fine. But I so don’t have clubbing clothes.”

“Wanna come over and sift through my closet? I’m sure I could find you something.”

Alexandria pictured Elle’s tiny body and dreaded trying to find something in her friend’s wardrobe that would fit her larger frame.

“Uh, no thanks. I’ll find something. What time?”

“We’re all meeting at my place for pre-club shots around eight. Des has a limo lined up so no one has to be DD.”

“A limo? God, are you serious?

“Cool, right?”

Alexandria heard the excitement in her friend’s voice but couldn’t match it. This was so not her scene.

“Fuck,” she whispered under her breath.

“Huh? Did you say something?”

“Uh, no. Never mind. I’ll be there.” She held the phone away from her ear when Elle let out a squeal that would make a dog howl.

“Text me a pic of what you decide to wear.”

“Worried I’ll pick something embarrassing?”

“Jesus, Xandi, no! What’s wrong with you? I just want to see it before anyone else. I’m sure it will be fabulous. You always are.”

“I hate to break it to you, Elle, but you are actually the fabulous one. I only dream of exuding awesome the way you do.”

Elle’s laughter rang over the phone. “You’re so funny. See you soon, Bae.”


Alexandria hung up and let out an even bigger sigh. She put her phone on the counter and walked into her bedroom. She rummaged through her wardrobe for a few minutes, knowing that no matter how hard she looked, she would never find something fit for limos and clubs.

After what seemed like an hour of discarding one article of clothing after another, she finally settled on black skinny jeans, a black push-up bra and a slinky grey tank top that showed just enough to make it look like she actually had boobs, when in fact she was barely a C. A pair of three-inch black heels completed the outfit.

In the bathroom, she ran her hands through her shoulder-length black hair, applied more mascara and some lip gloss and called it good. As an afterthought, she added a few sprays of perfume. Looking in the mirror, she did her best to smile and look excited. It was going to be a long night.


She started to loosen up after a few shots at Elle’s house. Des brought a bottle of pomegranate vodka that was nasty as hell, but got the job done. They managed to finish it all in the time it took everyone to arrive and it was close to ten before all eight of them piled into the limo and headed to the club.

They definitely turned some heads and started the party when they walked in, hips swaying and heels clicking. Alexandria was coerced onto the dance floor multiple times by her friends, but otherwise spent much of the evening nursing a margarita on the rocks and watching the people in the club watch her group. The only other person who caused as much attention when he walked in was tall, dark and cliched with a fedora, leather jacket and tight black jeans. He looked like he should have come with an entourage, but was strangely alone. It didn’t take him long before he was sizing up their group and making his way over.

He immediately focused all his attention on Elle; and who could blame him? She was squeezed into a short silver dress that showed off her tan legs and fabulous boobs to perfection. She was stunning and she knew it. The other girls slowly faded back to the dance floor, but Alexandria stayed to keep an eye on her friend.

“Tell me you’re not buying this,” she said to Elle when he went to order another round.

“He’s divine!” Elle’s eyes sparkled in the way only alcohol and a man could make them.

“Seriously? He’s cliched as hell. I probably could have guessed his name was Jake before he told us.”

“Oh, it’s just a bit of fun, Xandi.”

“Just be careful, Bae. I get a weird vibe from this guy.”

Elle focused on her friend and leaned in to hug her. “You’re so sweet, but I’m fine, really.”

“Promise you’ll leave with us?”

“I promise!” Elle kissed her on the cheek just as he came back to the table.

“What did I miss?” he said with a wink at Elle and a dismissive glance at Alexandria.

Knowing when to take a hint, she left them to it and made her way to the bathroom. It was a long enough line that some of the women were going into the men’s restroom, but she decided to wait it out and by the time she made it back to their table, it was empty.

Looking around, she was able to see most of her group bouncing away on the dance floor. The only one she couldn’t see was Elle. She made her way over to Des and had to shout in her ear to be heard.

“Did you see Elle leave?”

“Nope.” Des swayed down her side and back up in rhythm to the music, not catching on to the concern she was feeling. There was just something about Jake that made her skin crawl and the thought of Elle leaving with him made her nervous.

She left Des and the others to their dancing and went back to their table to send Elle a text. She gave it ten minutes with no answer before she decided to see if she could find her. She walked around the club, looking intently at each face and each couple. She walked back to the bathroom and checked the stalls for her friend’s heels. No sign of her.

Trying not to panic, she made her way to one of the bouncers at the door. “Did you see my friend leave by any chance? Tiny silver dress. Long blonde hair?”

“Lady, do you know how many of those I’ve seen tonight?”

Rolling her eyes, she mumbled under her breath, “Thanks for nothing,” and walked out the door.

She looked up and down the street but didn’t see Elle. She couldn’t say what made her walk around the side of the building, but she followed her gut and turned the corner. It took her two seconds to take in the scene in front of her before she was running toward her friend yelling, “Hey asshole! Leave her alone!”

Jake looked up from where he had Elle trapped on the ground, crying and kicking her legs. With a smile, he stood up and tried to help Elle off the ground but she scooted back out of his way, batting at his outstretched hand.

“Get away from me, you fucking jerk!” Her voice shook and hitched as she leaned against the side of the building.

Alexandria made it to her friend’s side. “Oh my God, Elle, are you okay?”

“Hey, I didn’t do anything she wasn’t asking for.” Looking up at Jake, Alexandria didn’t even think twice before punching her hand out as hard and as fast as she could, connecting with his groin as she yelled, “Fuck you!”

He let out a whoosh of air and doubled over with a grunt.

Alexandria turned back to Elle and started to help her up. “Come on, hon. Let’s get out of here.” When she stood up, she looked over at Jake doubled over and decided it just wasn’t good enough. She kicked him as hard as she could in the face and watched as he fell to the ground. “Piece of shit!”

She looked at Elle who was still shaking, her mascara streaking down her face. “I don’t think he was expecting that.”

Elle smiled through her tears as they walked together back to the main street.

She knew it wouldn’t erase what had happened, but Alexandria was sure they both felt better knowing Jake the cliche would walk away with something besides a smirk on his face.

14 thoughts on “Uptown Funk

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