Life Happens… It’s Okay

I haven’t written anything for the blog in exactly a week and I’m feeling rather down about it, like I’m failing myself and my readers (not that there are many, but still…), which I suppose I am since I made a goal and it’s something I really want to do so why am I short-changing myself?  Long, run-on sentences or not, last week was crazy, what with having the kiddos and what I consider my insane workout schedule.  I was able to keep up with the workouts and my kids (barely), but the writing went to hell.  Not to mention, last week was my busiest week at work and the time I normally take to jot something down during the day (on my break, of course) didn’t happen.

I always thought having older children would be easier somehow.  Yeah, not so much.  Instead of nice quiet playtime at home, or running around the house keeping up with your small demons, now it’s carting said demons all over town or going to this or that – “Mom, I need shoes!” and “Mom, can you take me here” and “Oh yeah, Mom, I forgot I have an award dinner for school.”  Not that you don’t do those things when they’re small, you do.  I think it boils down to doing things on your time frame (younger children) or their time frame (teenagers).  Every time I feel like my life is in order and I have a plan, it all goes up in smoke at the demands of my kids or whatever life requires at any given moment.

The good news is, I completed two full weeks on the exercise schedule for Tough Mudder.  I don’t remember ever exercising this much.  Just when I think my muscles have calmed down from the last workout, I go and run two or three miles and it starts all over.  There are upsides, though.  I am remembering the reasons why I fell in love with running.  My run on Thursday was amazing!  I kept waiting for my body to rebel or for my brain to tell me I needed to stop, but it didn’t happen.  I hit that runner’s high big time and it felt great!  Saturday, I was back to slogging through a three mile run and not knowing if I could finish, but memories of my last run kept me going and I was able to finish.  I’m not sure what causes great runs and why there are runs you don’t want to remember, but I would really love to know the answer.  I want to have great runs all the time!

I thought a small amount about weight loss and body toning when I first started, but it wasn’t my reason for doing it.  It is inevitable, though, considering I went from running maybe two or three times a week (but not always) to working out six days a week consistently.  The changes are already starting, I’m just not one to weigh myself consistently or measure my thighs and arms or whatever it is people do to keep track.  I made the mistake of weighing myself last week and there was no change, which I guess is a good thing?  I am, however, noticing my clothes fitting differently and certain places are getting smaller (sadly, it’s not always the ones you want…).  This being an upside, I will take the changes and be happy as they come, of course.

In the writing department, I almost finished the short story for Chuck’s weekly challenge on Saturday but I’m having doubts about where the story ended up.  It turned into something sad and painful and I found myself wondering if I should finish it, much less post it.  I’m still in the middle of that debate.  I’m planning on taking a look at it tonight to finish it up and see how I feel about it.  One thing I am learning about writing is to walk away when it becomes too much.  Many times, distance and time can offer clarity where sitting ass-deep in the middle of it only buries your ass deeper – or something like that.  (I think that sounded better in my head…)  The key is to come back before a week or a month or a year goes by. It’s only been a day and a half this time, which could be considered progress for me.

My thoughts tend to beat the shit out of me rather than lovingly support me and allow things to progress as they are.  I made quite a few changes all at once and I’m still learning how to be Mom, girlfriend, writer and exerciser/runner as well as working a full-time day job all at the same time.  I’m adjusting and it’s okay.

I’m hoping to have a short story if not the short story mentioned above posted by tomorrow.

Thanks again for reading and the overwhelming support.

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Life Happens… It’s Okay

  1. It is good to have goals. It is good to want to meet them. It can be terribly counterproductive to beat yourself up when you don’t. The human mind is a strange thing – personally, I’ve found that when I get down on myself for missing a goal, my brain takes that as proof that the goal was unrealistic, and then I let myself slack all the more, because why bother?

    Instead, I try to accept that sometimes I’m not going to make it. Sometimes, I am going to fall short. And that said times are perfectly ok. That the goals are not an ending, but merely guidelines upon a much greater path. If I miss them, hey, at least I tried, and I continue to strive forward.

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    • I absolutely agree. This was my way of telling myself exactly that. Every time I come out of the negative head space, or force myself out, I see that everything is okay and I’m further today than I was yesterday. As of a month ago, I wasn’t writing at all, only thinking of writing, so this is HUGE progress in the direction I want to go. Thank you for reading and for your positive comment.

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